Thursday, January 26, 2012

You gotta respect the roll.

So far, my week has included several trips to the grocery store, one or two trips to Target, a trip or two or three (ahem) to Starbucks, and a trip to the dentist.

Yeah, my week is a trip.


I had a regular dental check-up before Christmas.  The dentist and I mulled over my old fillings. They are slowly wearing out since they were all put in around the turn of the last century.  Okay, not really, but they were all done before Al Gore invented the Internet.  And yes, for you youngins out there, we did have modern dental care before Facebook or Google.

I know you are shocked and amazed.

We also managed to brush our teeth using toothbrushes that didn't spin.  It was EXHAUSTING.

Legend has it, that back in the day, dentists gave you a sucker after an appointment. I never experienced this because my family dentist was cheap and didn't even give you a free toothbrush that didn't spin.

However, my many trips to the bank on Saturday mornings with mama made up for it because the teller always gave me a sucker.  So, even though I had to change out of my Scooby Doo pajamas to get ready for our bank errand, I was happy. (Yes, we actually went to the bank to do our banking as opposed to doing everything online.  Free candy! See what you're missing?)

Yesterday I took Daughter to school and headed to my dentist appointment to have two of my fillings replaced.  The truth is, I dreaded it, but having them replaced now is better than biting into a walnut from a spoonful of Chunky Monkey and completely ruining a Ben and Jerry's moment.

I am proactive about my Ben and Jerry's moments.

When I arrived at the dentist office, I went to the ladies' room.  I also needed to brush my teeth since  I'd been sipping coffee in the car.  After I used the facilities, I stood in the mirror, applied some lipstick and decided I should turn around and check if my sweater was pulled down in the back.

My sweater looked fine, but there was another problem.

There in the mirror was a long piece of toilet paper stuck into the waistband of my jeans.  I looked like I had a tail made of Charmin Ultra Soft.

I quickly averted disaster and removed it.  Then I thanked the good Lord above that I had looked in the mirror. I could just imagine myself walking down the hall to the dentist chair with a tail of toilet paper gloriously trailing behind.

As soon as I finished brushing my teeth and thanking God for saving me from embarrassment, I headed to the waiting room. Before I could even get settled, they called me back.

I'll spare you the dental details. You will be happy to know my fillings were replaced without incident.  Other than the fact that I was numb for half the day and probably drooling without knowing it, I am one step closer to being able to eat Chunky Monkey worry free.

And, let's face it, drooling is still better than a Charmin tail.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Scully, is it you? Yuuup

I go through television show phases.

Back in the early 90's, I was in my X Files phase. Each week I'd get a bit obsessed about sitting down to watch on Sunday nights, hoping, just hoping The Smoking Man would make an appearance.  Then, as an added bonus, it would be a show that threaded an extra mysterious twist into the tapestry of the conspiracy theory, and I felt like I'd just ordered fries at Sonic and got a free tator tot.

Don't tell me your happiness isn't measured in tator tots.

Hubs rarely watched it with me.  The one episode he did watch all the way through was one he renamed, "The Dirt Monster" which, oddly sums up the whole plot, but certainly degrades the talent and the incredible hair Scully had throughout the episode. 

Most Sundays, he walked through the living room and said,"Is this a conspiracy one?"


"Well, that's it. I'm lost. I can't watch."

"Oh, but the truth (and it's out there)  is that the ones you don't think are conspiracy ones you later find ARE conspiracy ones when you put it all together and then that 's what makes it SOOOOOO GOOOOOD!"

"Yeah, but who's that guy?"

"I don't know.  We may find out later or maybe six episodes from now."

"I'm going to bed."

These were our Sunday night conversations until X Files went off the air.  Then Alias came along and Sydney Bristow filled my Mulder/Scully void. It was a huge void, mind you, and I always found it ironic that a show called Alias replaced my show with aliens. Get it? Similar words? No?? Okay, I'm a word geek.

But, seriously, Sydney was tough and cool, even with the hot pink wigs.

Then Alias just go unbelievable (as opposed to real life Dirt Monsters) and I just couldn't watch any more.

Since then, my television phases have involved 24, and a brief interlude of sitcom re-runs.  But, now I have finally found a new obsession.
Storage Wars.

It pales in comparison to CIA and FBI agents, but I am completely obsessed with the fact that there are people that forget they have valuable antiques stored away in a dusty container in the middle of California.

My favorite on the show is Barry Weiss, the collector who just plops down thousands just to sort through Hefty bags of old clothes with his skeleton gloves (love those) in order to find one odd piece of art.  He is hysterical.

I've heard that burglaries of storage units have increased since the show aired because people are under the impression that there are thousands of dollars in antiques locked behind those rolling doors.  Not the actual things in storage that I would have like old blue and mauve draperies or a juicer from 1994. 

I'm still holding out hope that one day a new secret agent show will emerge from the networks.  Until then, I'll watch Storage Wars, since it is on 24 hours a day.

Maybe one day Brandi and Jerrod will buy a locker and find a message from the Smoking Man explaining the entire conspiracy theory.

Now, THAT would be valuable.

Just ask my husband.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Who is the crazy lady in the card store?

Yesterday I drove Daughter to school as usual, then drove the opposite direction to a doctor's appointment.  Well, to tell the truth, I was driving to what I thought was a lab appointment but turned out to be a doctor's appointment/lab appointment. 

When the lady called me back and asked me to step on the scale I told her I was just getting labs and she said,"Well, I have to do all of this anyway."

So, I thought, "Well, okay, but I would have worn lighter clothes."

I thought it was all a misunderstanding and I felt badly for taking up the doctor's time since I wasn't actually ill, but he assured me that it was fine and that my paperwork read "follow-up."  He sees the patients before their labs, (I suppose to make sure you are getting what you need) most of the time. So, I was the only one who misunderstood and I was supposed to see the doctor and get labs all at the same visit. It was like opening the cereal box and getting a prize, except the prize was in a lab coat holding a needle.

Okay, that's not really a prize.

When I left the doctor's office I headed straight to Starbucks which is the opposite direction of my house, but was the closest one the way the crow flies.  I had fasted for this appointment and completely earned my grande latte'.  That's when I remembered the really cool Hallmark close by. 

If it sounds like this was all completely random it is because it was.

I brought my yummy latte with me to Hallmark and browsed.  The ladies in there are so sweet and helpful. Two of them stood with me as we tested out all the new noise-making birthday-related gifts.  The three of us were in stitches.

There is an older lady who works there who is just precious. Every hair is in place and she wears red lipstick and all matching jewelry.  I can picture what her house looks like.  I'll bet she has scatter rugs with fringe perfectly smoothed out and some kind of cute cookie jar on the kitchen counter.

I can tell a lot about a person within the first five seconds. Including whether or not they have cute cookie jars.


After I spent nearly an hour in the store sipping my liquid breakfast and pushing all the buttons of everything musical, I took my cards and wrapping paper to the counter where the sweet older lady checked me out. 

She offered to have me sign up for a Hallmark card. I usually turn it down because I am in a rush, but my whole morning was off the cuff, so why not throw caution and time to the wind and take the time to fill out a little pamphlet?

She said,"You don't have to fill out anything on the form that you don't want to."


She continued, "You know some people are funny about that, like they don't want to tell you their birthday, but I say go ahead because they send you coupons.  But whatever you want to do is fine."

"Oh, I'm one of those people. I am paranoid.  I don't mind giving my information voluntarily,but it bugs me when stores try to be sneaky about it."

She said,"Oh, I know.  I don't like that at all."

I continued to fill out the form as we talked.
I looked down at my form and realized that I'd made a mistake.  I had gotten side-tracked by our conversation and instead of writing my street address, I wrote the house number and "Paranoia" as the street.  I started laughing.

"Look what I wrote!" I said and showed her.

We had a chuckle at my expense (I blame it on the fasting labs) and I gave her my form with the correct address.  When I told the lady I corrected it she said,"Darn.  That would have been funny." 

Cute rugs in her house and a sense of humor.  Love her! I may not know whether or not I have a doctor's appointment, but I know people. Just don't ask me my address...

Monday, January 09, 2012

Frozen baked goods and '80s TV

I just made Daughter biscuits and they match the ones in my header. (Mary B's, not homemade.)

I'm sure that adds joy to your day. I just had to mention it.

You're welcome.

Thanks for the encouragement and carpet solutions. I am going to try the ammonia/hydrogen peroxide combo. We had the carpet cleaned, but carpet cleaners don't do what a woman can. Sorry, guys. You may have the muscle, but we have the determination.

This weekend was pretty ordinary.  In addition to our regular things, Daughter and I went shopping one afternoon.  I love to check for bargains in January and the stores are usually pretty empty.  I had several January birthdays and a baby gift purchase.

I love buying gifts for people. Along with sniffing out bad odors for large cities (I have the nose of a bloodhound) I have always thought I'd like to be a personal shopper.

This post is all over the place.

And since it is just pointless at this point, I'll go on another tangent.  I've been watching Designing Women in the mornings and they are showing the episodes without Suzanne Sugarbaker.  I love Designing Women, but those are the days when the show went downhill. 

It's kind of like when Laura left Little House.  Television was not the same.  Little House has to have Half Pint and Designing Women has to have Suzanne Sugarbaker.

Am I right?

These were just a few bad decisions of the '80s, right up there with New Coke.

And now that I have taken the bloggy bridge to nowhere, I'll wish y'all a happy Monday.  I browsed Designing Women clips but couldn't find just one to post. Tell me which scene is your favorite.

Edited to add: BooMama posted some great clips from DW. Head on over to see them and read her post.  Let the Sugarbakers and their pet pigs live on!


Thursday, January 05, 2012

The only resolve I have is for the carpets.

According to my trend of not posting, it would appear that we just skipped over Christmas and New Year's. I haven't blogged anything since the Series of Unfortunate Cooktop Events. We did have a wonderful Christmas and New Year's which included going to church and eating black-eyed peas (which are equally spiritual.)

However, I won't review the holidays in detail as it is now 2012 and half of those holidays happened in another year.

The most important part was that over Christmas, we visited family in Georgia and South Carolina. Now that we are on the East side of Old Man River, I am a happy camper who can just drive to my people's homes as opposed to flying American Airlines and wondering if my Purell is going to exceed the liquids limit.

Here's a question:  Who else out there refers to their family as their "people?"

And another one:  Do you also know where your people are from and where other people's people are from?

Sorry for the digression. The sugar from my Christmas stocking is still affecting my brain.

This week I have been on a mission to get some things done.  I have sort of resolved to get them done, not a resolution, per se, because I don't do those (mostly because I never follow through and then feel like a big flop and mire in self-scrutiny by about mid-March, which, is not good for the rest of the year,) but more of a goal (which oddly reminds me of supports and makes me twitch.)

I also should sort of resolve to improve my grammar and not turn run-on sentences into paragraphs.


Here is my checklist. Some of it will happen over time.  I figure if I put it on the Internet for the few of you who read this, it makes me accountable and it will also stare me in the face every morning I log on.

1. Finish painting.  Our tenants left the usual wear and tear and a few colors of which I am not a fan.

2. Replace cooktop. See previous blog posts.

3. Replace carpet or find some sort of magic carpet spot remover.

4. Hang pictures. Yes, it is sad. We have been in the house for months now and the only room with pictures is the master bedroom.  I want to hang things differently which is why I put it off. I need to figure it out because all the plain walls are depressing and not very inviting.

5. Decorate the porch.  It has wicker chairs and new cushions, but I need something on the door. It needs fluff.

I'm sure there is something else that I've forgotten.  When I remember it, I'll add it to the list.

What about you?  Any plans, resolutions or sort of resolutions for you or your people?