Sunday, March 04, 2007

The grass is always stranger on the other side.

It's always a learning experience at our house.

Last night we were getting ready to go out for dinner when my daughter ran in the house to say,"Mama! Come quick! Snake eggs!"

Just as a reminder, we live in a rental house in your average, Edward Scissorhands, I can knock on the neighbor's door without leaving the house suburbia. We don't really know our neighbors that well, which, at times can be a good thing.

We also don't understand the complexity of their landscaping.

Our neighbor has a large, nicely landscaped area adjacent to our house. There are native plants and outdoor lighting and what appears to be snake eggs.

Daughter and I ran outside and found Daddy looking over the eggs in question. I ran up next to him and there they were- white egg-shaped somethings all nestled in the mulch. What's more, it looked like there were tiny, orange legs inside the eggs.


The three of us stood over the egg nest and just threw out ideas-

"I don't think those are snake eggs. Snakes don't have legs."

"But, what is it? Alligator? Turtle? Birds?"

"Mama, I don't want you and Daddy to get bit!"

"This is totally grossing me out."

"Maybe they're dinosaurs... Mama's just kidding."

Then I poked at them with a stick because, well, that's what you do when you find something gross and you don't know what it is.

We encouraged daughter to go in and wash her hands so we could go to dinner. As she was inside, husband and I discussed the oddity in the neighbor's yard. We were certain that whatever these eggs were, they were not going to hatch now. Nothing could keep them warm and well, I had poked them with a stick.

So we headed off to dinner, still puzzled. I was praying that whatever was about to hatch in my yard was not deadly and that the Chinese restaurant we were going to did not have any crab claws or bird parts on the buffet.


On the way there, we entertained the idea that the eggs could be a plant, a mushroom, or something alien. At the mention of "alien" my daughter said some kid did it, "probably a boy!" We finally managed to change the subject, have a nice dinner, then return home.

To the stench. The retched stench.

We pulled in the driveway, got out of the car and looked at each other, wrinkling up our noses.

"What is that smell?"

"Smells like a paper mill!"

"Must be sewage."

You see, after careful investigation on the trusty Internet upon our return home, I found out that our eggs were not eggs at all. They are nasty, disgusting, smelly, octopus stinkhorn mushrooms. They grow in mulch in perfect conditions, and it seems that right now it is a perfect condition.

And, poking them with a stick is the last thing you want to do when you have stinkhorns growing in your yard or your neighbor's yard. Kicking them doesn't help either. The stench will catch a summer breeze and ride around for miles, sticking its tongue out at people as it goes by.


So we don't have snakes or alligators or birds or aliens incubating next door. We have putrid, smelly mushrooms. I would have welcomed a nice, friendly rattler any day.

Update- I promise that I will take a picture and post it tomorrow.


2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Melanie, why are you blessed with a life that offers a plethora of writing material?? Not fair! I am cracking up at the poking. Yep, that's whatcha do!

Tammy said...

So funny!
I'm sure your neighbors are thrilled that you poked those "eggs"...;) To make sure they weren't dinosaurs or anything...
I agree with Linda...we had a rare time going out to dinner ourselves last night...and no such excitement happened to us!

sc@vp said...

gah. so many reasons to live in canada!

Barb said...

Gross. I never even heard of these. Can't you neighbor just completely remove them? Blech. You'd have been better off if they'd been snake eggs. :-)

Grafted Branch said...

That is w-e-i-r-d!

Tracey said...

That is too funny. Stopped by here via the blog party. I'm a Southern girl too...dontcha just love the South!?

Stop by my place if you get a minute and "sit a spell"...

Brenda said...

How's that saying go? More fun than you can poke a stick at? LOL!

Blogger profile name said...

I definitely want to see a photo! GROSS!

Roxanne said...

Okay. . .that is really hilarious. . .and just as creepy, 'cause despite the fact that they reek, there was something ORANGE that was WIGGLING in there? EWWWWWWWw, EWWWWWWW, and Double EWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Susanne said...

Well look at the bright side. At least you know for sure they weren't the aliens. That is the bright side isn't it?

Glad you're posting a pic just to make sure if I ever have them in my yard I won't poke them.