Saturday, June 24, 2006

Hello, Newman.

This post has absolutely, positively, Seinfeldly nothing to do with being southern. It has everything to do with the fact that I relate nearly everything in life to an episode of Seinfeld.

And, that I am just weird.

I hate going to the Post Office. I also hate public libraries, but on a stranger, deeper level. (Note to self. Save library disdain for another post. Ok, self. Thanks.)

For some unknown, secret government reason all-yes all- I am stereotyping here- all postal employees who work behind the counter are grouchy. Maybe it has something to do with the public they have to endure all day. But, what I really believe is that there is a line on the civil service application that reads like this:

"Do you wake up grumpy each and every day? The kind of grumpy that doesn't go away after a cup of coffee, not even after a venti mocha from Starbucks?
Check one: Yes No
If you checked "yes" above, please continue to the next question.
Do you enjoy working with people?
Check one: Yes No
If you checked no, please put your pen down and run to the nearest post office! We have a position open for you with an added sign on bonus!!
If you checked yes, please run to the nearest Wal-mart. There is a lovely blue vest waiting for you and a badge that reads "Greeter."

I love mail. I love getting mail. I love sending mail. And I even like the mailman that brings me mail. But, I don't like the post office. I can honestly say that I cannot remember one-single-post office experience that was pleasant.

Most of the time, I buy stamps at the grocery store. And I ship packages UPS. The unfortunate times I have to visit the post office, I get frustrated in line just thinking about how rudely I will be treated, wondering if I am going to slip up. Wondering if the person across the counter may just decide that day that he isn't going to sell me any stamps whatsoever!

Kind of like going to the Soup Nazi.

There I am in line thinking it over and over in my mind. Rehearsing my request..."I would like one book of stamps." Nothing more, nothing less. Keep it simple. Don't comment. Don't move too much. Don't do anything to irritate the worker behind the counter.

After all the careful planning and thoughtful rehearsal, I blow it for some unknown cause!

"NO STAMPS FOR YOU!!!"

So I run out, empty handed. Oh! The insanity! What will I do? How am I going to mail all of these thank you notes???

Then, I get in my car and say to myself, "Serenity Now. Serenity Now." I drive to the nearest store and my anxiety is washed away with the kindest, sweetest voice that says, "Welcome to Wal-mart."

Ahhh...The calming, tranquil, environment of fluorescent lighting and those happy little yellow smiley faces. There's nothing like a football field area full of over stocked, discounted merchandise.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2 comments:

Nancy said...

I confess that I have no problem with the post office and love going to the library. I have encountered nice and grouchy workers in both places.

Recently I ordered stamps online. (You see I have an adorable stamp holder that holds a roll of stamps and I was tired of flags.) The last time I went to mail a package the postal worker asked, "Do you need any stamps today?" I said, "No, I just got a roll of the vegetable ones online." The worker turned to the worker next to her and asked, "Did you hear that? She got a ROLL of those vegetable stamps on the website!" They hadn't seen a roll of them. I felt very impressed with myself. : )

Danielle said...

I go to the post office WAY to often...3 or 4 times a week sometimes. (My husband is in a Christian Rock band and I am in charge of sending promo packs and contracts to the promoters) I must admit there are an awful lot of rude people there!