Sunday, February 08, 2009

New Uses For The Baptist Hymnal

Baptist hymnals in Southern Baptist churches all over this country are waiting for someone to pick them up, blow off the dust, and crack them open.

Replaced by the big screen, these musty books are feeling lonely and forgotten, tucked inside that little shelf pocket in the back of the pew, next to the golf pencils.

Let's join hands across the aisle and come up with innovative ways to use the baptist hymnal. After all, we spent months raising money for them. The names of our loved ones are inscribed inside the front cover on a cheap sticker which reads, "In Memory Of."

If we don't do it for the hymnals, let's do it for Grandpa Jones and his family who dedicated five hymn books in his memory.

1. The baptist hymnal is just the right size to hold in your lap whenever you need something to press down on. Like when you're making out that huge check for the offering. Or when your toddler needs to doodle on the bulletin.

2. Baptist hymnals are great for back pain relief. Until chiropractors design church pews, sitting in church will always cause terrible back strain. Tucking the hymnal in the small of the back gives temporary relief.

It won't do anything for the sermon that is making you squirm in your seat.

3. Hymnals are good for small children to sit on so that they can see. Just be sure not to confuse it with that King James Bible right next to it. (Not familiar with the King James? I'll save that for another post.)

4. Hymnals are helpful during funerals when the family of the deceased chooses a hymn that no one has ever heard of. In this situation, you can take the opportunity to learn something new and comfort those in mourning.

5. Baptist hymnals are a good stand-by when there is a rookie in the sound booth. This is only used as a last resort. Wait until there is total confusion and the new guy can't keep up with the verses or doesn't know when to go back to the chorus.

Bless his heart. He doesn't wear a tie.

6 comments:

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

If a sermon is really boring, you can give yourself a crash course in historical hymnody.

His grace is sufficient. said...

I thought my Mom & I were the only ones who used them to relieve back pain. I love the hymnals.

Nancy said...

Sometimes if I'm tempted to snooze during the sermon I'll open the hymnal to read the lyrics and realize I've been singing something wrong for years. Ooops.

What about those people who still thumb through it to find the hymn we're singing and then stand there with it open, refusing to look at the screen? Why, why, why?

Carol said...

Girl, this cracked me up! You took me there with the hymnals and the golf pencils. And the dedications? We used to go through every hymnal on our row to read all the dedications when we got bored in church. I believe my family even bought a few dedications for my grandfather.

Loved it!

~Mary~ 4boys4me said...

My three year old sticks the end of the golf pencil/mouthpiece in the pages of the hymnal and pretends he's playing a tuba. He likes to play along with the orchestra. :)

ccel said...

Nancy: maybe those who want to look at the printed page want to sing harmony, because it's in a more comfortable range? At least that's why I prefer to use music.

BTW you can find the Baptist Hymnal online.