Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Lycra, Spring Fever, and Ibuprofen

Spring has officially arrived and I am itching to go to the beach. The only thing holding me back is my pasty white complexion and, well, there's the added problem that the closest beach is hundreds of miles away.

I'm also a little biased about beaches. If I'm going to spend good money on fake tanning and plane tickets, I want to go to the Gulf Coast. Florida's gulf coast, specifically. We plan to go to the beach this summer, so I have to be patient.

Each time I Google or check the weather, there is list posted in the sidebar of the country's top beaches.

Now the Internet is just trying to hurt me.

The thing is, a trip to the beach means I will be buying a swimsuit. Swimsuits are not what I care to think about right now. My diet routine has consisted of bad lemonade cake and Diet Coke, and my work-out routine involves me walking back and forth from the hamper to the laundry room.

It's very effective.

You can see that I am torn between my dreams of emerald waters and my fear of clingy fabric and fluorescent lighting. My psychological health is very fragile.

If you'll excuse me, I need to run (not actually run) to Wal-mart for a supply of tan-in-a-tube, cellulite cream, and a Fromer's Guide To Florida.

Maybe I'll just get a new pair of flip flops and some Extra Strength Tylenol.



Carpool Queen said...

Two words for you. No, three.

Board shorts.


Next year I'm totally doing the fake tanning thing. I've tried the tan in a tube and was a little streaky, I've tried the "step nekked in the booth" spray tan and learned the hard way that it will wipe off it you step into a steam sauna. I'd like to think I could try the airbrush tan, but the thought of someone spraying my bee-hind is just a bit much.

I am chatty today, and I haven't even had a third cup of coffee. Hope I didn't make your head hurt.

Roxanne said...

I see your pastiness and raise you some cellulite. . .HOWEVER it IS only the beginning of April.

Yesterday at yoga, my instructor said, "sundresses." I've not seen a sundress on me in public since I had a four year old daughter. . .but maybe this will be the year. :)