The Scantron and A Tutorial On Self-Defense With Pork Products

My week is starting out pretty well. We had school yesterday after a week of standardized testing. Yes, I'm a homeschool mom who puts her kid through standardized testing, even though it is not required. It is the only way for me to know how she is doing compared to others her age and grade.

I also make her clean her room on a daily basis and do the white glove test when she is done.

Not.

The truth is, Daughter enjoys standardized testing. I have a confession. I did, too. It was a break from the routine and I thought it was fun. Yes, I said FUN. You should know by now that I am a nerd.

I always did well in Reading, Social Studies, and Spelling and notsomuch in Math. (Big Surprise.) My only disappointment was that we were no sections titled "The Application Of Blue Eye Shadow" or "How To Copy All The Janet Jackson Videos" because I would have totally thrown the curve in those two.

However, I never did well in transitional paragraphs.

Last night I went to a coffee with some ladies, then out to Wal-mart. I have previously vowed to avoid Wally after dark, but sometimes schedules and empty pantries trump that vow.

I also have seen the website with photos of people at Wal-mart. I think some of it is not that kind, and maybe a little staged. I also know that I'd better be dressed appropriately when I shop or else my mug may be on the Net.

But, there I was at Wally World. I got out of the car, clutched my purse, and proceeded to use my paranoid personality to keep an eye out for any weirdos in the parking lot. (Weirdos that would be out of place.)

At one point I walked past a truck playing loud music and thought it was a teenager (the driver inside, not the truck.) It turned out to be a middle-aged gentleman waiting for his wife to buy bread. At least that's what I told myself.

The little old lady at the door greeted me and I made an effort to quickly finish my list. Thank you cards, t-shirt transfers, Smithfield ham, and two cans of Allen's green beans.

I said to the cashier,"Well, I guess you know what I'm cooking for dinner tomorrow night."

"Looks good," she said.

I quickly left and headed for the parking lot, passing the man with the loud music. I stayed alert, armed with a spiral ham in one bag and two cans of good pole beans in the other.

The evening ended without incident. No one took my purse, my spiral ham, or my picture. I was just glad I made it out of Wal-mart without ending up on the Internet.

Oh, wait. I just did.