Reality TV: The Southern Version

So, the big Grease: You're the One That I Want came on and I missed it. I have a feeling that one of you out there will fill me in and I look forward to catching up next week. I was watching the previews and noticed the judges.

What's the deal with British guys?

Nearly every reality TV show which involves talent has the following judges:

1. A very rude British guy (or at least he has a British accent) that usually tells it like it is, but everyone hates him anyway.
2. An average Joe, the guy next door type who is usually polite and nice. Sometimes he shocks us by his negative comments, but he usually sides with the third judge.
3. A cute, young, attractive woman who is almost always nice. She spars with the British judge on occasion and dresses like a contestant.

I understand the attractive woman (for the men in the audience), the average Joe (for the ladies and the family friendly appearance), but I am totally baffled by the judge with the British accent.

Can someone please explain this to me? I do not think it is very fair to the British. How does the Queen feel about this?

It is just weird, people. Just. Weird.

This whole judge issue got me to thinking. What if there was a Southern woman up there judging American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, or the new Grease show? Sweet mercy.

For one, a Southern woman would never really tell a singer that she can't sing. She would say something like,"Bless your heart, honey. You can't carry a tune in a bucket, but that outfit you've got on is just darlin'!"

She would tell a dancer, "Does your Mama know you're on TV movin' your hips like that?"

And heaven forbid what a Southern judge would say about someone trying out for Grease. It may go something like this, "Honey, I don't care what Olivia Newton-John did, no one on my stage is wearing pants that tight. It just isn't healthy."

When it came time to tell a poor, untalented star wannabe that she had to go home, the rejection speech would not be nearly as clear as Donald's "You're Fired!" No. It would go something like this...

"I can tell this means a lot to you. Your Mama and Daddy must be just bustin' at the seams with pride with you on stage and all. It's almost as excitin' as The Grand Ole Opry. I remember the time I was a dancer on the drill team and I was just so nervous, with us being at the play-offs, and it was raining, and we were playing Valdosta, and oh-my-goodness I was so nervous that I dropped my baton right there on the field next to the drum major, and he was cute too, but I was dating someone else, the quarterback for our team, Tank Williams, well his name was Tommy but he was so big that most people called him Tank, and it was funny, you know with Hank Williams and all. But, anyway I remember being on that field and I dropped my baton and I just could've died right there next to the drum major... You have the most precious smile and I love your hair, is that a perm or natural? Anyway, you are just precious and sweet as can be and I can tell you are tryin' real hard and you probably practiced a lot, too, didn't you? Do you use Breck or Suave? And oh my goodness, those shoes are the cutest thing, but I just didn't care for your little routine, honey. Bless your heart."

Now, doesn't that sound much better than anything Simon Cowell has ever said?