Monday, September 08, 2008

Tactical Precision

Somewhere between the garden and the curse, God gave Eve a very unique gift. Since that time, Eve's genes have been passed down for generations.

And may I just add that I'm glad that her genes, as opposed to her jeans, were passed down? Denim made from fig leaves- itchy.

Anyway.

This gift has kept on giving. It's called "The Ability To Find Stuff." Every mom, since the beginning of time, has had this ability.

Caesar's mom had it...

"Mother, when you are completely recovered from that new surgical technique, could you find my toga pj's?

Women throughout history have kept up with powdered wigs, the crank on the Model T, and stacks of scrolls, slates, Trapper Keepers, and Blackberries.

Moms are the reason nothing is ever lost forever. The only exception was the moms of Atlantis. Who knows what happened there.

In fact, history could have been altered if the Powers-That-Be had only used this ability. I'll go ahead and tell you the flat-out truth, if they had sent Mamas into Iraq, we would have found the WMD's, no one could have hidden them from us, the whole world would have felt safer, and Bush's ratings would have soared.

I'm just sayin.'

Y'all know I'm right.

But, since no one asked me to find any nuclear bombs, I am stuck with the task of finding things like socks, shoes, special toys and last minute items Hubs may need on his way out the door.

This gift of finding stuff is perfected on a very personal level. Some of us find things because we know where we put them. (A place for everything, everything in its place.)

Some of us find things because we can picture the other stuff surrounding the item. You could call it domestic photographic memory.

"Mommy, where's my belt?"

"Probably on the floor with the clothes that you didn't put in the hamper."

I've perfected domestic photographic memory. I can find a needle in a haystack or a saved, dead insect in a plastic tote. When something is lost, my family asks me, before they look for the item themselves.

At any given moment, I'm on call, seeking and searching for dried up butterflies and paperwork from 1994.

It ain't WMD's, but it's the best I can do.

8 comments:

R said...

YES! i relate to this completely. it's fun to know where every random little thing is. :0) but it's a tiring power...it gets old being the go-to person before the fam even looks for anything!

Roxanne said...

Oh so hilarious. . .and oh so true. I am never prouder than when I do the "mind-read-find."

"Where is my. . ." and before they can even ask for the object they are searching for I deliver the answer. "On the table under the sales paper."

We are SO good.

Smilingsal said...

I live by the creed: "A place for everything, everything in its place."

LeAnne said...

nothing could be more true about mothers...the children and husbands of the world would just be roaming around aimlessly searching without us...i'm convinced!! my household does the same thing...asking me where to find it before even looking for it!!

Birdie said...

Atlantis was the result of too many sons saying "Mom! Look what happens when I do this!" ;)

Carol said...

I am LAUGHING so hard right now. You are too funny. And a GA girl!!! You'll have to email and tell me where you grew up! Too fun. Hey, you should come to the Glorieta Christian Writer's Conf. !! Oh yeah, and the reason I stopped by was to thank you for your sweet comment at The Cafe. :) Carol

bensrib said...

My SIL says it's because we have a uterus - sort of an on-board GPS.

Jen said...

You are SO right! It's SO annoying! They ask before they even begin to look!

Of course the down side of this is that when we lose our keys, it's totally unnerving. And have you noticed that when you lose anything, it is because either 1-you dropped it in an unknown place by accident, or 2-someone has taken it and not replaced it?
xox