Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dear Uncle Sam,

Hello. I usually only communicate with you every election cycle or during tax season, but I thought it was high time we talked.

Lately, it seems some of your other family members are getting all of your attention, so I thought I'd ask for my share. I've never been one to ask for much of anything, but it looks like my time or your money is about to run out.

Honestly, I never knew that you were the rich uncle. As I remember it, you've always asked me for money. You were the odd, stuffy uncle at the family gatherings. The one who liked to get into every body's business. And, let's face it. That top hat and striped pants? Didn't help.

But, it appears that you are loaded, so I have a few things to ask.

I want a bailout. You never fully compensated me for that failed lemonade stand I had as a child.

Yeah, I know the lemonade wasn't any good, the price was inflated, and the customer service had room for improvement. But, with the inflation in the 70's, the cost of paper cups and all, surely you could help me out.

While you're writing checks, make one out to my kid. She is a good student, tries really hard, has big dreams, and all of those other things we Americans use to embrace. Now that none of that seems to matter anymore, just write her a check now. I'll save it for her. I'm afraid what this country may offer her when she turns 18.

Besides, it's hard as a parent to keep telling her to work hard, stay in school, stay off drugs and become independent when the kid down the street will grow up and have just as much or more and work very little.

But, hey. What do I know? I'm just the ignorant, gullible niece who, by the way, is about to put you in a home.

You may think you're in control, but I'm still your Legal Guardian.

Thanks to my Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Uncles Madison, Washington, Jefferson, Hamilton and a few others.

Who, I might add, used their signatures for more important documents than checks.

1 comment:

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