Tuesday, September 21, 2010

What I've Learned From Judge Judy

It's no secret that I love watching Judge Judy.  The show is my guilty pleasure and I have been known to DVR the ending as I run off to pick up Daughter from school. 

I am very refined.  Ahem.

So, as a public service to you I thought I'd share what I have learned from her.

May you never face her.  If you do, don't say you weren't prepared.

1.  Almost every case comes down to whether it was a loan or a gift.  

2.  If you don't intend to pay someone back, and you've said you would, don't bother going to Judge Judy. She will nip that case in the bud quicker than her bailiff swore you in.

3.  If you have a pit bull, ask yourself, "why?"

4.  Keep your dog on your property, on a leash.  No excuses. None.  And if it's a pit bull, again, "WHY?"

5.  Keep receipts, email records, police reports, medical bills, and anything else that will corroborate your story.

6.  Look up corroborate.

7.  Don't tell Judge Judy what you feel, what others feel, what someone told someone else or anything else that is fuzzy.  She doesn't like that.  At all.

8.  She used to be a family court judge.  She knows what loser husbands, whiny wives, and delinquent kids look and sound like.  She likes them almost as much as she likes pit bulls.

9.  When she calls you "Madam" it usually isn't a good thing.

10.  Most of the time she doesn't care about your pain and suffering claim.  I know that sounds harsh, but get over it.

11. She makes Judge Wapner look like Santa Claus.

12.  She will correct your grammar while you are in the middle of a sentence.

I think she's my hero.     


Carpool Queen said...

And whatever you do, don't interrupt.


Susanne said...

I've always wondered what she was like in her "real, everyday life" at home.