Wednesday, July 18, 2007

It's 3:30 AM. Do you know where your George Foreman Grill is?

I can't sleep, so I turned on the TV and the blog because that's what I do when I can't sleep. Oh, and I had a teeny amount of cookie dough. Yeah, cookie dough.

And since I am up at strange hours of the night when most normal people are sleeping, working the night shift, or eating at Waffle House, can I just say one thing?

I wish, for one time in my life, that some brave woman would serve slices of raw cookie dough at a party. Just once. Just put the dough right there on Grandma's china and let us all dig in. It would save you a lot of time in the kitchen and we would love you for it. Come on. Somebody, please...

Okay. Back to the post.

I have posted on infomercials before and I have shared a few observations, observations which are very important to your life and to your personal growth.


I have learned, based on the content of the infomercials at this ridiculous hour of the day, um, night, that everyone watching TV right now is fat, broke, and living in a filthy, gadget-free house.

If we call now, in the next 10 minutes, we can lose 20, 30, even 50 pounds while making up to $10,000 a month purchasing real estate with no money down, and we can have a sterile home where we can serve many quick-and-easy meals using our magic bullet and our chopper.

You guys are wasting time sleeping and here I am up before the chickens discovering solutions to life's most perplexing problems.

Like unwanted belly fat and dull knives.

Where IS that cordless phone??


Sista Cala said...

I know just what you are talking about. While I am working the night shift, my husband is watching the tube. He has several 'problems' related to a near-fatal head injury he had years ago. When the movies go off, there's info-mercials and televangelists. Every morning when I get home, there are numerous scraps of paper w/ 1- 800 numbers and brief descriptions of the things he wants to order. Sometimes it is the 'blessings' he will receive after he has sown his seed..... Good thing his short-term memory is shot. I just throw the scraps away and watch for new ones the next morning.

Danielle said...

This is hysterical! Isn't it amazing how we can be sucked in to these things even when we know they are ridiculous?! I hope you finally got some sleep!

mandy said...

this post makes me sleepy.
and... i LOVE cookie dough. i think i might have to go get some!

Big Mama said...

Yes, but will any of those things get us closer to making it socially acceptable to eat raw cookie dough on a china plate?

Because that idea is pure gold, baby. Pure gold.

ValleyGirl said...

I LOVE your blog!! I found it via 5M4M a couple of days ago and it's already one of my favourites! You're quite witty in the wee hours!

Susanne said...

I've really got to stay up all night and get this info so I can get my life together! Thanks for the tip! ;vD

Sandy Coughlin said...

Yes, I've had those sleepless nights and have watched all of those commercials! HA
For Reluctant Entertainers

justabeachkat said...

Hey, cookie dough on a paper plate would be just fine for me. Great idea!


Anonymous said...

He he!
Funny you should bring up the George Foreman. I used mine tonight to make panini's... because I'm all resourceful like that!

Linda said...

You are so funny. That thing about the cookie dough is pure Bombeckian--you know, Erma Bombeck. But it will take a Southerner to make it a legit offering at soirees. I say you are the woman for this job. Set us free, Sister. Great stuff.

Grafted Branch @ Restoring the Years said...

1:32 in the morning and you say you can't sleep?

1:32 most mornings I'm just beginning to try. ;)

Melody said...

How have I not found you before? I'm a born and raised GA girl who is almost always up at such ridiculous hours. The cookie dough party...I volunteer to throw one...come on over.

Your organ donor button? Where do I get the code for my blog? My email should come with this post. If you could send it or tell me where to get it, I'd be grateful.