Mr. Department Store CEO, you are my nemesis.

We went school shoe shopping today. School won't start for nearly a month, but I knew I had to go ahead and start the Great Shoe Safari with my daughter. Normally, she is a total flip-flip girl, but the educational powers that be, including the PE Coach, usually frown upon kids flippin' and a floppin' while they are learning their times tables and shooting hoops.

Thus, we seek tennis shoes, which leads me to a question. Do y'all say "tennis shoes," "sneakers" or what? My husband says "sneakers" and I say "tennis shoes." That is neither here nor there nor, ya know, important, but I just thought I'd ask.

So we went to a major department store to find some tennis shoes and as soon as I walked in the shoe department I could tell that we had hit the jackpot. There were at least two choices of tennis shoes that may fit my daughter and, for us, that is like a shoe buffet. Only we don't eat them.

My daughter has her mother's feet. Bless her heart. She has a time trying to find tennis shoes or any shoe at all with a closed heel. We have average feet until you get to the heel. The heel is so narrow it could cross over itself. Or not. Shoes that fit in the toe just slide up and down in the back, and if we want a shoe to slide up and down in the back then we would just wear flip flops. Wouldn't we?

The clerk was more than helpful. Seriously, he was more than helpful as in he tried too hard. To tell the truth, I think he was on something or maybe he had been sniffing too many Crocs. I don't know, but he got on my nerves. I told him the brand we needed, because I am the Mama and I know these things. No need to waste any time on shoes made for chubby feet. My daughter has dainty feet, even if they are SO HARD TO FIT.

So I was thinking I made it easy for him, but no. That would be wrong, so wrong. Even with my organized, "She wears this brand and I think she is this size" self, he was confused. Normally I would just leave, but I could tell we were going to find some cute shoes that fit my little girl. And I am a Mama, so I stayed.

We left the store with not one, but two cute pairs of shoes for school- one for now and one to grow in. I also found a pair of flip flops for myself. SCORE!

We decided we must be on a roll, so we kept shopping. In a few weeks we will be attending my niece's baptism and we need something nice to wear. I don't usually shop for shoes AND clothes that fit, but hey! I'm crazy like that sometimes.

So we looked. And looked. And looked some more at all the girl's departments and girl's shops and we found nothing. We aren't picky. We just want my daughter to have a nice, stylish, modest dress that doesn't have a label that reads "Made In Las Vegas."

Is it too much to ask?

I had completely given up on finding a dress for myself at the mall and planned to head over to my friend Christy's cute little women's shop because Christy, she knows fashion. And she is a Mama. Somehow, (maybe it was the fumes from all the Crocs) I forgot my original plan and did look for a dress or nice skirt ensemble for myself. Everything was either Mother-of-the-Bride or Bride of Frankenstein. (sigh)

So we did what most girls do when they can't find anything good to wear. We went to Chick-fil-A. Nothing calms the nerves and lifts the spirits like a good piece of boneless chicken fried in peanut oil. Plus, as an added bonus (if the chicken nuggets weren't enough) my daughter's kid's meal had the coolest prize- A History of Flight booklet with paper airplanes and a space shuttle to put together.

I said, "You know, Chick-fil-A does have the best toys. They usually give books or language CD's or something really cool. I should put that on my blog."

Then my daughter replied, "Yep. You should. The rest of the happy meals' toys are all so lame."

After finishing our tasty peanuty oil lunches, we continued on our trek for cute clothes and accessories. Much to our chagrin, we found nothing.

Here's our little message to major department stores all over this country:

Your clothes for young girls are lame.

Your clothes for women over the age of 18 who actually eat or for women over the age of 30 who have given birth and eat boneless chicken fried in peanut oil- also lame.

You might want to PAY ATTENTION.

I'm a Mama. I write the checks.