Observations From My Remote

It has been raining here for days. And it's cold. Yesterday we stayed in the house the entire time and my mind began to wander...

1. Why do the people in scary movies never have Brinks or ADT?

Don't they know that there is a guy in a blue oxford shirt sitting in an office that looks like a spaceship, just waiting to call the police for them?

2. Why is it that the Christmas trees in movies never lose any needles? They bring them in the house, drag them across the floor and decorate them in like 15 minutes. You never see the mom vacuuming the needles or better yet, picking one out of her foot.

And they're always soooo happy. And drinking hot cocoa. And no one has to look for hooks to hang the ornaments. Then some kid is off to bed before Santa arrives.

Who decorates their tree on Christmas Eve?

3. Why do they never tear the wrapping paper on gifts in Soap Operas? They just take the lid off and that's it. (I know the technical answer- the sound of ripping paper is not pleasant for audio, but this is just stupid.)

People don't do that in real life. And we know that Soap Operas are just like real life.

Proof- Marlena.

4. Why don't people ever sit down on TV? They spend all of that money on decorating the set with a sofa and chairs and no one ever sits down to talk. Folks are just standing around for a whole hour and no one offers anyone a seat.

Except for Friends.

5. Not counting Forrest Gump, how many times have you ever seen a movie or TV character tie his shoes?

Okay, now count Forrest Gump.

6. People eat a lot of salad on TV.

And potatoes. You always hear, "Will you please pass the potatoes?"

You never hear, "Will you please pass the collard greens?"

7. People in movies have noisy trash cans. The aluminum kind. Not Rubbermaid like the rest of us. And I never found a cat around my trash can. Maybe they are attracted to aluminum.

8. In the movies, some woman is always falsely alarmed by a cat hanging around an aluminum trash can. She thinks someone is out there and then she picks up Fluffy to give her a bowl of milk. Within seconds the bad guy shows up and there is no one to help.

If only she had Brinks.