Thursday, January 22, 2009

My Advice To The Republican Party: Have Your Credit Card Ready

Now that we're all dusting our televisions with our McCain/Palin t-shirts, it's time to get our tails in gear for the next four years. Our little Republican pity party is over.

So, what do we do now? Lean to the left, lean to the right, do the hokey pokey?

I am here to do my civic duty, to offer some real advice (wink wink) for the Republican Party. So listen up Sean Hannity. We've got some serious work to do.

We have four years to teach all those old folks how to dance at our next convention. Really, dancing skills are under-rated on the public official resume. It's starting to get embarrassing. Year after year the overbite dance gets worse. We need dance instructors or orthodontists.

How about we jazz up the flag lapel pin? Maybe add a few rhinestones or other kind of bling. Bling is in man, or dude, or whatever. (Just goes to show that we should work on our vocabulary, too.)

McCain's campaign strategy left me a little numb. I don't know about you, Sean. I think we need a new man running the 2012 campaign. I know just the man for the job.

Billy Mays.

The man can sell anything. He has single-handedly convinced every woman in America that OxiClean will get out anything, even blood stains and pet odors. He is the most clean-shaven person I've ever seen who has a beard.

Our other option is the ShamWow Guy. After watching his demonstration, I came very close to ordering the over sized towels and I suddenly wanted to wash my boat. Sean, I don't even own a boat.

I hope you'll take this advice to heart, Mr. Hannity. We've got to do something.

But, we'd better act now 'cause I can't do this all day.

Tomorrow- Part 2 of My Advice: On A Serious Note

6 comments:

Roxanne said...

That was HILARIOUS. And I DO used OxyClean and you are so right about the clean shaven with a beard part.

Can't wait for tomorrow.

Someone Being Me said...

Too funny. I don't have any McCain shirts for dusting but my Huckabee car magnet is all sad and forlorn on the garage fridge now. As for Billy Mays, I am a total oxyclean addict. The laundry spray does get everything out.

Sarah W. said...

You are funny....but I have to say every time those commercials come on, I ask my husband, "Why do they Billy Mays on TV? He drives me crazy!" Apparently, I am in the minority on that one LOL.

I do agree the Republicans (of which I vote for) need an overhaul.

A Gracious Home said...

I have wanted to order the ShamWow but my husband isn't sold on it. I wash a lot of rags for odd jobs. I'm one sad Republican. I'm shocked and confused about our nation. I like Obama, he seems like a nice person. I don't like his voting record. I'm praying for his safety and success because our nation needs some success. Bless you, Doylene

Melanie said...

Girl you crack me up. I can't stand Billy Mays. He screams everything! But on a serious note, we need a conservative that has a backbone. I am sick of these whimps up there that will not stand up for us. I have a great article that Rush Limbaugh read yesterday and I am going to copy and paste it and let you read it. Look forward to the next installment from you:)

Melanie said...

http://thehill.com/dick-morris/the-obama-presidency--here-comes-socialism-2009-01-20.html

It's a good read.