Monday, January 26, 2009

Never order the enchiladas verdes in cotton country.

If you read Big Mama's blog, you know that she had some less than delicious Mexican food while visiting in Georgia.

For the record, on behalf of my home state, I would like to sincerely apologize.

From the comments on her blog, it appeared that many of us who are from east of the Mississippi agree that ordering any Mexican food (especially with the expert palette of a Texan) east of Old Man River is, to say it lightly, SCARY.

Folks from Georgia, Mississippi and Alabama may be proud of many things, but our tacos are not among them. Though good ethnic food in these regions is not impossible, like Beth Moore having a bad hair day, it is highly improbable.

So I thought I'd share a few more culinary warnings about ethnic and regional foods in the South so that, hopefully, none of you will suffer like Big Mama. At the very least, you can lower your expectations.

1. Mexican food served in Georgia is just like the Falcons' record. A gamble. Unless there is a large bell on top of the restaurant, be sure that you may or may not leave the establishment with disappointment, and quite possibly, some kind of intestinal distress.

2. If you enter an Italian restaurant and someone inside mispronounces the fine heritage as EYE-talian, you can bet that the house dressing is ranch. (As in Hidden Valley)

3. Chinese food in the South is really just a buffet of sweet and sour pork, snow crab legs, fried rice and won tons.

The finer establishments will give you a fortune cookie on a little plastic tray, along with your bill.

4. Don't even look in the phone book for any other kind of Asian cuisine unless it is hibachi. The hibachi restaurant's only measurement of excellence is whether or not the chef does the onion choo-choo.

Chooooo Choooo!

5. The certificate on the wall that declares "Voted The Best German Restaurant In Plains" is really misleading. What it should read is "The Only German Restaurant for Fifty Miles."

So, what's a girl to do? You can stick with the good ole' Southern standbys like BBQ and fish camps or go to the local MaMaw's Kitchen. Either way, you will never walk away hungry and you can (at least) recognize the eggs.

1 comment:

Big Mama said...

I should have gone with an establishment that serves fried chicken.

Next time, I'll ask you for your advice BEFORE I go in a restaurant in Atlanta.