Southern Girl In A Parka

Nearly three years ago Hubs' job brought me to New Mexico.  It's the place with little rain, lots of sunshine, and warm days. I thought I was living in the Land of Enchantment.  Turns out I'm in Palin's Alaska.

Yesterday's wind chills were below freezing and we have another layer of snow, now melting.  In the past week I have prepped the pantry for power outages (lots of peanut butter and bread,) watched the roads shimmer with black ice, and purchased a snow shovel.

It's not that I am afraid to shovel or even that I don't want to do the work.  The truth is that if the need arises for me to use a snow shovel, it means it is COLD.  I don't like cold.

We Southern girls (at least some of us) don't shy away from hard work.  We may appear to be dainty and delicate.  The truth is we are tough, independent and not afraid to to get dirty.  And no, unlike all those swooning characters in the movies, we don't faint.  Well, except for that one sweet aunt in every Southerner's family who more than likely suffers from a girdle that's too tight.

So when the time came to clear the driveway, I layered up in my thermals, sweatshirt, boots and parka.  If you had told me when I was a child in Southwest Georgia that I would one day own a parka, I would have crinkled up my face at you in confusion.  I always thought only skiers wore parkas.  Skiers are athletic and, goodness knows, I'm not athletic.

I shoveled.  I cracked and removed ice.  Daughter looked on from the warmth inside as she prepared to go to school.  With all the snow and ice gone, we managed to make it to car line without skidding and slipping down the drive and looking like folks who "aren't from around here."

The next time the driveway needed shoveling, Daughter donned her own parka.  She shoveled, scraped and scooped until the driveway was safe again. Just like a good Southern girl, tough and independent.

And, yes, she volunteered.

Like her Southern mama, she came inside for a cup of hot chocolate, topped with Redi Whip and sprinkles.

Hey, we're tough, but we're not stupid.

"We are, like our beloved garden greens, sturdy, strong, and best when tested by the elements and fully seasoned.  I never bought the notion of the "steel magnolia" because it's a short-lived, silly blossom that can't make it through a simple Women's Missionary Union meeting without shedding its powdery guts onto the mahogany sideboard."
Celia Rivenbark-  We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

This is not the kind of blizzard where you get Oreos and Reese's Cups.

Right now it is a balmy -26 degrees wind chill here in Smalltown.  Fun times.

We've had several days of snow and strong winds.  The snow isn't deep but the temps are freezing.  If there was any doubt before, it is now completely clear to me that this Southern girl has Southern blood running through her veins. Arctic weather is not for me. Give me a 100 degree day with 95% humidity, some Skin So Soft for the gnats, and I'm good. (As long as I have some A/C and a big glass of sweet tea, or course.)

I haven't been out of the house since Tuesday.  OK, twice I stepped on the porch to look down the street at a neighborhood power outage. We had power throughout the night, but one section of our neighborhood was in the cold darkness for several hours.

But, other than stepping two feet onto the crunchy snow in my parka and snow boots, I've stayed inside.

I plan to do the same today because (1) The roads are looking less than reliable with the possibility of ice and (2) It's cold, people!

Just to emphasize how wimpy I am, let me tell you about Daughter's horseback riding instructor.  This lady has been outside in the weather chopping ice from water tanks, replenishing fresh hay, and checking on all of her horses.  As she put it, by the time she was bundled up, fifteen minutes had passed, she still hadn't left the house, and she looked like the Michelin man.  Or Michelin woman, as it were.

She is tough as nails.  A true pioneer woman.  She braved the weather in layers upon layers of fluffy down and fleece, battled icy shovels, and diligently worked with gloves which froze to the horses' gate latches. At the end of her rounds, she reported that all horses were fine, braving the elements as they were designed to, with tails to the wind. 

Which is exactly how I would be posed. Only I think I will keep mine inside.

Clarity And Cold (Sounds Like A Country Song)

I was chatting with a friend last night who had read my blog post from Monday.  She misunderstood my post and thought that we had cocktails at the baby shower. She found it interesting that a baptist church would serve cocktails. She also wondered why a new mom would open a Cuisinart at a baby shower. 

So in the interest of clarity, let me go on the record and say we had nothing stronger than the ginger ale in the pink punch and that my references were to a BRIDAL SHOWER which WAS NOT AT THE LOCAL BAPTIST CHURCH. (I may also add that I didn't partake of any of those cocktails.)

However, I must say a Cuisinart can make a nice gift at any stage in life.

Now that I have all the housekeeping done, let me move on to the rest of my week.

Monday was spent at the doctor's office, two in fact.  Nothing serious. Just routine stuff.  At first, I was kind of bummed that I had scheduled two appointments for the same day. Once the day was over, I was glad that it only took up one day of the week instead of two.

I'm old. Doctor's appointments have managed to make the blog. Next thing you know I'll be carrying all my pills in a Ziploc bag and talking about the weather.

It has been cold.

On Tuesday morning, I woke up to freezing temperatures.  School was delayed due to weather problems and if it had not been for a text message from a friend, I would have been the only mom dropping off her kid at car line. I knew it was cold, but I didn't know how cold.

Until I noticed the low water pressure.  Then Jessie came inside with a muddy face and paws.  Not a good sign. 

I walked to the alley and discovered my fears were validated. The valves connecting the main line to the house line had frozen and burst. Water was gushing out and all the birds were playing in it.  A call to the water company brought a repairman who was able to shut off the geyser and still give us access to water.  That afternoon the Sprinkler Guy (as he is officially know) fixed the valve, reinsulated the box, and even covered it in dirt for extra protection. 

Whew.

Wednesdays are usually our horseback lessons and the temperatures were still near freezing with wind chills in the 20's.  Daughter's instructor always gives us the option to cancel for poor weather, but my daughter decided to cowgirl up and ride anyway.  Me, being the deranged, I mean supportive mother that I am, agreed to let her ride as long as she wore layers, gloves, and bundled up.

Her instructor also agreed. One other adult student was riding and the third student opted out because of the weather (smart girl.)  Bundled up, we all headed out to the arena. I huddled there on the stool next to her instructor as we discussed horseback riding. New Mexico weather, and the old show Green Acres.

Then she turned to me and said, "Are we certifiable?"

"Yes," I said through chattering teeth and blue lips.

Each time the students rounded the corner, the instructor would check on them. They were cold, but they wanted to continue.

As it tends to do in New Mexico, the temperatures dropped, the wind direction changed, and in the words of Allison's horseback riding instructor, "It's no longer cold. It's BITTER."

Then, she called out,"Bring 'em in, girls." 

The strong, steel magnolia Melanie was proud of toughing it out but the real Melanie breathed a sigh of relief.  Because it was so cold, I could actually see that sigh of relief.

Sometimes you have to cowgirl up, but even cowgirls know when to bring 'em in.

And wear thermals.

The Unknown History Of French Design and Why You Could Get Carded At Your Next Bridal Shower

I am drinking coffee and sitting at the computer (obvious) in my robe and slippers. The robe smells faintly of dog because Jessie loves to cuddle. It also smells faintly of my new perfume which could either be a good tool to mask the puppy smell or a very bad combination.

Either way I think I will throw it in the wash after I post this.

Legend has it (cough cough) that Coco Chanel was designing a perfume back in the 20's when she put in a request for "musk."  Her assistant was busy listening to Ragtime on her phonograph (the 20's version of Beyonce on the Ipod) when she misunderstood and thought she said "mutt."  This grave mistake was the catalyst for Chanel's assistant's new career as a dog groomer.

Or so I've heard.

So now it is exactly 7:30 AM and all I've done is go on and on about how badly I need to do laundry while I perpetuate rumors on the Internet about a famous designer and dog grooming.

Insert transition here.

Our weekend was pretty typical for us.  Daughter had a friend over after school on Friday.  They put on a play which they wrote themselves and may I just say that are so creative.  Later that night Daughter and I decided to have a slumber party which is really just us sleeping on the floor after watching a movie.  Or, in my case, me falling asleep on the floor while watching a movie.

We went to a baby shower for twins on Saturday.  I love baby showers, even now that I don't have a baby. Baby showers make me feel happy and nostalgic and I am always excited to see a new mom or mom-to-be waiting in anticipation. 

However, bridal showers only make me feel old.  Do you know that now they serve cocktails at bridal showers? I am baptist, so that would never have been a menu option for the ladies of the WMU, but it seems to be a growing trend to get a little tipsy while you open up your new Cuisinart. 

And I always thought the cheese straws were spicy.

Sunday was church, a quick stop at the grocery store, and a short walk and bike ride. It is getting cold here in New Mexico. Makes me want to stay in my robe all day.

Right after I wash it.

Like Kudzu, Only Not As Interesting

Legend has it that kudzu was brought to the South from Japan or somewhere to prevent soil erosion.  Well, guess what? It worked. Now you see kudzu all over the sides of highways and dirt roads in Alabama, Georgia, and any other state which breeds mosquitoes in Biblical proportions.

Not that there is a connection between kudzu and mosquitoes.

At least, I don't think there is.

Kudzu spreads like a bad strain of pinkeye (not sure if there is a good strain of pinkeye.) It covers anything remotely stationary, killing or ruining it. Bridges, trees, roadsides, really slow moving old people. 

Where was I?
Oh, yeah.

I'm not dead.  I'm here. I'm alive. What started out as writer's block ended up turning into an unintended bloggy break. Several of you emailed me to see if I was doing alright.  I appreciate that.  I even had some family and friends ask me if I'm OK.  Yes, ma'am. I am.

Since I last posted, the following has happened.

Our dog Jessie was ill, well again, ill again, then well.  Now she is a perfectly "normal" growing pup who likes to eat bugs and smells like dog exactly 5 seconds after her bath.

I turned 40.  The Big One, Elizabeth.  Other than the bad food at Red Lobster, it was uneventful.

I am growing out my bangs.

So, as you can see, you haven't missed much.  However, I do pledge to keep on keeping on producing the same ole' drudgery about living in SmallTown and how much I miss Starbucks.

Like kudzu, I'm still around.

However, I promise not to choke out all of your evergreens. Or your Great Uncle Cleetus.

Blowing The Dust Off

I nearly forgot my password to blogger. It's been that long.

Things got a little nuts around SmallTown.  Our new pup ran a fever for a day, nearly scared us to death, and then ended up being perfectly fine.  I think I lost a few brain cells and perhaps have a new bald spot, but other than that, we're good.

Other than near nervous breakdowns, other things have kept us busy.

This week we have worked on Daughter's science fair project.  She has tested which microwave popcorn brand pops best.  Our house smelled like popcorn for two days.  I lit one of my fall candles and then it just smelled like pumpkin popcorn.  That had burned.  Badly.

Speaking of pumpkins, we carved one for Halloween, put it on the porch, and left it. A WEEK LATER I walked out the front door (which we never use) and saw our sad little pumpkin melting and molding away like a really bad science fair project.  His crooked smile had turned to a painful frown and his eyes were weeping in ways that vegetables tend to do when they are left outside to decay for days and days.

I scooped him up, put him in a garbage bag, and respectfully tossed him in the trash.  It was quite tragic.  Then I bleached the porch. The smell of bleach is so welcoming when you enter a home.

As you can see, even though I haven't posted in a sweet forever, you haven't missed that much.

You're welcome.

Happy Weekend!

Test Test

I'm still here.

It has been busy in SmallTown.

Will post as soon as I can catch my breath...

Puppies and Toddlers

The highlight of our week has been our new puppy. She is about 7 months old, full of energy and very funny.  Rescued from an abandoned field, she had been in foster care for some time and now has found her furever home with us. Daughter named her "Jessie" (from Toy Story) and it fits.  

I'll post pictures later.  Once I've figured out how to keep her still long enough.

As you can see, we've been quite busy.

Everyone says having a puppy is like having a baby, but I tend to disagree.  Babies sleep all the time. You can put babies somewhere and they don't move.  You can strap them in a car seat and watch them in your little mommy mirror. NOT PUPPIES.

No. 

Puppies move.  A lot. They jump on your head while you nap on the couch. They climb in your lap while you are driving, making you hope and pray that you won't have to hit the breaks or get pulled over by the cops because, hello, your passenger bites.

Nope. Puppies are nothing at all like babies.  Puppies are more like toddlers.

Toddlers want to be everywhere all the time.  They wake you up while you try to nap on the couch.  They would love to climb out of the car seat while you drive, and believe you me, they try.

Like with toddlers, you teach your puppy the right way to behave and they try, only when it is in their best interest. Puppies sit or stay or lay down (maybe) if you give them a treat.

Toddlers stop screaming in Wal-mart if you bribe them with a Happy Meal.

Of course, this is only in the beginning of training.  Eventually they do what you tell them because they want to please you.  Until they become teenagers.

Puppies are learning where and when to go potty.  Sometimes they go outside.  Sometimes they go inside.  They try not to have an accident on the carpet, but really, they don't care because someone else is going to clean it up.

Toddlers are in the potty-training phase.  They want to please mama and daddy and they love to wear their new Disney character undies. But, really they don't care if they have an accident because someone else it going to clean it up.

And sometimes they go outside.

When a puppy suddenly gets quiet and disappears into the other room, you'd better put your coffee down and check on her.  She is probably chewing your new shoes from Steinmart or eating something from the trash.

While you're on Facebook, your toddler tiptoes down the hall.  You find her standing in your closet, wearing your new shoes from Steinmart while eating that half of a Hershey bar you thought you threw in the trash.

Let's face it.  You spend half the day saying, "What a good girl," and the other half saying, "What did you do?"

Yes.  Puppies and toddlers have a lot in common.

Puppies and toddlers are scared of strange noises.  Like the dishwasher and Cookie Monster.

Puppies and toddlers have big bellies that are warm and usually smell like their last meal.  Or something they rolled in.

Puppies and toddlers hate storms, firecrackers, and scary-looking people.

Puppies and toddlers are good judges of character.

They love children, ice cream, and warm blankets. 

They can sleep wherever they land.

They throw up when they eat too many treats.

They love you unconditionally.  They cuddle with you in the mornings, but just for a moment until they've moved on to something new. 

Yes, puppies and toddlers are a lot alike. Before you know it, they are eating grown-up food and napping less, learning new things and exploring on their own.  You turn around, and they are all grown up.

And, thank goodness, they finally stopped going on the carpet.

Is this thing still on?

I think I may have broken a record for amount of time not posting.  At least I accomplished something.

It has been a busy week for us.  Not busy in that there is a lot of blog material, but busy in that I want to take lots of naps and watch old episodes of Andy Griffith.

I have some things to share, but in the meantime, I have to comment on The Amazing Race.

First, I am glad the Ivy League Singers are gone.  I couldn't take all the singing.  No one goes through life just bursting in song.  That's just for TV and movies, which I guess they were kind of on, but it's a reality show, so hello.

I can't decide whether I like the home shopping team or not.  On the one hand, I find their over-friendliness a bit inappropriate.  I mean, who hugs a person in a foreign country after he purchased sunglasses?  On the other hand, they can be funny. 

I find myself both rooting for the father/son team and saying, "COME ON."

I was glad someone had to eat something weird.  I have no idea why.  It was just time.

Phil cracked me up with his eyebrow communication.

I hope they go to South America this time.  It's been a while. 

I find the lack of drama between teams this year (compared to last season) to be very refreshing.

That is all.

Weekend Wrap Up: That's it?

Well, the weekend was about as bland as could be.  Daughter is still not 100%, so our days were filled with episodes of Spongebob on the couch interrupted by trips to Wal-mart "just to get out of the house."

There is some sort of cough/sort throat combo going around and, unlike the corn dog/cherry limeade combo we get from Sonic, it is neither filling nor refreshing.

I'm about ready to be over this sickness thing.  It's hard to see your kid cough up a lung.  Last time I checked, those things are important.

I do have to thank you for all the FABULOUS pumpkin recipes you left in your comments. As soon as everyone's taste buds return to full capacity I am going to try them.

And thanks for understanding my prepositional grammar issues.  Apparently, bloggers love to break grammar rules as long as they are on our own blogs.  Contrast that with the watchful editing we do on church bulletins and praise music screens, and you have what some literary folks call IRONY. 

LOVE IT.

I AM ALSO NOW ADDICTED TO ALL CAPS.

I"LL STOP THAT NOW.

you are welcome

Speaking of church, we had to leave during the music yesterday.  Daughter started to feel flushed and funny and in the mom world we know that's a sign of upcoming doom.  Since the traditional baptist church decor does not normally provide Wal-mart bags or small trash cans for illness, we excused ourselves quietly.  We managed to get home without incident and she was fine.  It was just one of those things, but why take the chance?

That reminds me, a friend of mine once told a story about a person fainting during the church service.  Her mama thought he was slain with the Spirit.  As it turned out, he just had low blood sugar.

So, today I have a million errands to do (which could make good blogger fodder) and yet I sit and blog. 

Again, irony.

The Break-up And My Grammar Issues

Today I have a sick kid on the sofa, laundry in the chair, more on the floor of the closet (it spilleth over the basket) and a grocery list I haven't even written yet.

So, I will resort to my precious standby, THE LIST.

For some reason Blogger just tried to ask me to switch my font color. How weird.

1.  The weather has been so fickle this week.  One day it feels like fall, the next day summer.  Sometimes it changes in the same day. Summer has begun to feel like an old boyfriend who just won't break up with you.  Enough.  I'll give you your letter jacket and your class ring back.  It's time to move on.

2.  I'm looking forward to Fashion Week on Project Runway.

3. Each week I say I'm going to stop writing so many sentences which begin with a preposition or a conjunction for effect. 

But then I do it anyway.

And regret it when I edit.

But then leave it.

And then blog about my grammar issues.

I have many.  I critique school flyers and store signs. 

4.  I am still amazed that the five of you (most of whom I'm related to- there goes that grammar) still read this stuff.

5.  My porch is still without pumpkins.  I have a bench out front with a fall leaf garland draped on it, so at least now the wreath has someone to talk to. 

6.  I've been craving Chile's Quesadilla Salad and Pei Wei.  Chile's is down the road and Pei Wei is 2 hours away.  That rhymed a little. 

7.  I am in the mood for some kind of pumpkin recipe this weekend.  Any ideas?

Y'all have a great weekend!

Random Dozen: Aigner and Finch

1. Is there a word which you initially mispronounced? Were the circumstances in which you made the faux pas embarrassing? By the way, that's not "foax pass." (I know you know that. Just jokin' with ya.)

I mispronounced Etienne Aigner in high school. I finally realized in college that my purse did not rhyme with "Abner."


2. How do you feel about the use of texting shortcuts and trends? (ex: "I've got ur notes. Get them 2 u 2morow.")

It depends on who I am texting and if I am trying to save space. Hubs doesn't mind.  In fact, he has his own abbreviations.

We all know how that turned out.

3. Tell me about your high school senior picture. Please feel free to post.

I wasn't thrilled with the ones from school.  Most of us had senior pictures that we ordered made at Olan Mills or somewhere else. The ones at school were poor quality.

I remember taking my picture at Olan Mills and planning how I'd do my hair, and picking out which gold chain I would wear with a sweater that had shoulder pads.

5. Share a high school or college homecoming memory.

I didn't go to high school or college homecoming.  No dates for high school and college wasn't a big deal for our school. I really don't regret missing either of them.

6. Linda at Mocha with Linda wants to know: "Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?"

Sunsets.  I would have to get up early enough to see a sunrise. The only time I've done that on purpose was for Easter.  (Worth it.) Otherwise, give me a sunset on the beach while eating crab legs or gulf shrimp.  Ahhh...

7. Lea at Cici's Corner asks, "What is something you have not done that you desire to do?"

Hmmmm... I have to reach deep down in my not-adventurous self.  This one is tough for me.  I would like to go sailing at some point. Preferably, with the shore in sight.

8. Carol at Wanderings of an Elusive Mind ponders, "If you could come back [in another life] as an animal, which would it be?"

I'd have to say a household cat.  That's the life.

9. Joyce from The Other Side of the Pond is curious: "Where were you 10 years ago?" Please feel free to elaborate more than just your physical location.

Geographically, I was in North Carolina.  Figuratively, I was a new mom whose best friend and support had just moved. I discovered a lot about the real meaning of life and priorities. I also learned that I don't like East Carolina BBQ.

10. When you are proven to be correct in any contentious discussion, do you gloat?

I try not to.  If it's Hubs, I rub it in just to be annoying.

11. What is your favorite food which includes the ingredient "caramel?"

I am not a fan of caramel, but I would have to go with caramel cake. Preferably from Dean's Cakes in Andalusia, Alabama.

12. From my 17 year-old daughter to you: "If you could be part of any fictional family, which family would you choose and why?" (She's so cute. And clever.)

This is one of the best questions in all the Randoms!

The Finch family from To Kill A Mockingbird. Scout witnessed so much change and pain and her father stood up for justice.  She was smart, thoughtful, and free spirited. That kind of legacy and history would be incredible to pass along.  I wonder what Scout would have become when she grew up.

Thanks, Lid and Friends (and Family!) for the great Random this week!

Funny Link, A New Favorite

Oh, the wittiness.

Oh, the sarcasm.

Grab your favorite catalog and have a laugh at Catalog Living.

Someone would have found America anyway.

Over 500 years ago, the king and queen of Spain sent Christopher Columbus (an Italian) on an all-expenses paid trip to Asia.  In his quest for spices and treasures, he discovered America, but, technically he discovered what we now call The Caribbean.

Ironic, since I sit here typing this in the high plains of New Mexico instead of on a beach in The Bahamas.

Oh, those Spaniards and Italians and their twisted sense of humor.  The least Chris could have done was send me an Olive Garden.

But that's all I'm going to say about that.

Our weekend has been pretty boring.  Friday was a day off of school.  Daughter and I both slept late, then got dressed for a walk.  Along the way, she found some interesting items for the Odd Objects Jar, an old plastic gumball jar she and her friend, C. found.  They put odd items in it like bolts and grass and weeds and bottle caps.  On Friday, she found a huge straw on the side of the road.  Not the Sonic Route 44 kind, but much bigger.  This was the Golden Egg of odd objects.

On Saturday, after all my chores were halfway done, I went to Hobby Lobby and managed to walk out with less than a $20 purchase.  I had the car washed, and then came home to get ready for a baby shower.

The shower was for a sweet young woman from Bible study.  Nancy and I went to the shower together and it was one of the nicest showers I've attended. The hostesses were so gracious and the food was delicious. I have a sneaky suspicion that at least one of the hostesses is Southern, as evidenced by the deviled eggs, pretty tablecloth and dishes. 

Not that non-Southerners don't own pretty tablecloths and dishes and know how to make deviled eggs.  What are the odds of combining all three?

The hostesses also displayed the cutest little decoration that I am totally going to steal if I ever host a baby shower again.  (It doesn't look like any of my friends will be having a baby at our age, so I'll wait until one of them has a grandchild in about 15 years.)

Along the wall, the hostesses had created a little clothesline with coordinating onesies.  It was so sweet and simple and who would guess that a decoration could also double as a gift for the mom-to-be?! Genius!

It's here that I'll skip right to Sunday, because I pretty much came home after the shower and went to bed.  Nancy kept me out until the late, late hour of 8:00 PM.

Daughter and I stayed home from church because we both had a cough and sore throat.  (Not the same cough or throat, for you grammar snobs out there. Wink.)

Hers was worse than mine, so I managed to spend the day in yoga pants refilling drink glasses and coaxing down Children's Motrin.  Hubs went to the store for us and got all of the ingredients for Paula's chicken noodle soup.  (It was yummy!)

Today I feel a bit better, but Daughter is still not 100%. Drat, those allergies.  So, it looks like she'll miss out on all the Columbus Day events which we really don't have, but still.

However, if Columbus had brought over that Olive Garden, I could be enjoying an endless pasta bowl. Instead, I'm looking out my window at grasslands and cows with that grade school rhyme about the ocean blue in my head.

Rub it in.

More Stuff I Don't Understand: Edition Who Knows?

1.  If you are posting a puppy in need of a home on PetFinder, why would you name him "Killer?"

I'm no expert, but I am guessing a name like Snuggles or Champ would be better at attracting potential furever homes. 

But, that's just me.

2.  Why are all the late nite commercials about weight loss, vacuum cleaners, and acne products?  Shouldn't they be advertising insomnia treatments?

3.  Whenever someone gets voted off Dancing With The Stars or some other talent reality show, why do they perform one more time on the morning talk shows? If we wanted to keep watching them, they would not have been voted off in the first place.

And, yes, I realize sometimes the judges vote them off.  Just go with me here.

4.  Why does the person who won't obey the car line rules always have to be in the front of the line? 

5.  Why does the lady in the Chico's catalog always look put together, but when I put on the very same outfit, I look like I'm going to a costume party? 

6.  Why is it that when I tell Hubs that Old Navy clothes don't fit me, he asks if I tried on the right size?  It's the cut, folks. 

7.  Why is it that for a man's clothes to fit, he only needs to choose the right waist size, inseam and whether or not they are a medium or large? 

For a woman's clothes to fit, she needs to decide on boot cut, straight leg, tapered leg, fitted, regular, if it's sized small or big, what brand, what store, and if Jupiter is aligned with Venus. 

And then it still looks different when we get home.

If you'll excuse me, I have to look at my new Chico's catalog...

We could use the air mattress for a flotation device.

Is it just me or is Blogger all wonky this morning? 

Now that I have that out of the way, I'll tell you about our weekend.  This is the kind of post you can read during a commercial break, because, our weekend?  Boring.

I should say, MY weekend.  Boring.

Friday I took Daughter to horseback riding.  She always loves it and I always love sitting on the bleachers talking to her instructor. After that, we went to Dairy Queen (her new fav) where she got her usual order of a burger and blizzard and I was good and got nothing.

On Saturday (I know what you're thinking, if this is going to go day-by-day, I may have to just watch the commercials) Hubs and Daughter went Geocaching.  I've decided that geocaching is what Barbie does with the stuff that didn't sell at her garage sale.

After finding Barbie's old furniture from her Dream House, Hubs and Daughter went to Wally World for camping supplies.  They put the s'mores ingredients and hot dogs away and set up the tent. 

I don't camp.  If there were a camper with a cot or a bed, I'd be all for it. However, the tent thing is a little too Les Stroud for me.

I am aware that Les would not have a tent.  He'd make do with branches and leaves and such but this is the high plains, and we don't have branches and leaves and such.  Besides, he always uses what's available to him. In this case, that's a tent.

But I digress.

I joined them for dinner in the tent, then I came inside and watched  poor quality television.

I told Hubs that I think they should get a camper one day, the kind you pull behind the car.  He said that wasn't camping.  Then I asked him where you hang out during the day if you camp more than one night.  (I mean, there's only so many s'mores you can make, right?) He told me you do whatever it is you do that's around the campsite, like fishing or swimming in a lake. 

He never got to the part about when I would be in the camper lounging on a cot or turning on air conditioning, so I'm still lost on the whole camping thing.

Yesterday morning he and Daughter got up for church.  I was under the weather and stayed home.  You'd think they would be under the weather since they were the ones sleeping outside, but no.  It was me.  That fluffy Pottery Barn comforter really knocked me off my feet.

At some point yesterday afternoon I bought some groceries.  After nearly $200, we have barely enough for 2 meals, so I'll be back later this week. 

That was pretty much the highlight of my weekend. 

However, it runs a close second to Hubs cooking dinner on Saturday night.  Hot dogs and baked beans always taste better when someone else cooks them. 

Even if I wasn't eating them at a cheaply made table/sofa/cot in a camper.

P.S.  The s'mores were made in the oven.  As I said, this is the high plains.  Campfires, dry grass, and high winds? Almost as scary as sleeping in a tent.  



 

Random Dozen: Aliens, Art, and Lattes

1. Do you believe, somewhere deep inside, that blondes do indeed have more fun? That they are "dumber" than brunettes or redheads? Be honest!

I am not a natural blonde. These days, I'm not even a natural brunette. I do go blonde for a reason. It makes me feel better.  Dr. Phil can add whatever meaning he'd like to that.
As for being dumber, no way. Unless they can prove that the peroxide actually seeps into our brains and kills off the cells.

2. Which animal would you most like to observe in its wild habitat?
I'm a mom and wife.  I already live in a wild habitat.

Seriously-  Any kind of sea life. Dolphins are my favorite. I'd also love to watch sea turtles hatch. 

3. This week the U.N. announced that Dr. Mazlan Othman has been appointed the official "Alien Ambassador," should any extraterrestrials contact us. Have you, or has anyone you know, ever seen a UFO?

I saw something in Tucson once that was very odd. A bright light hovered over, then flew off very quickly.  I am sure it was a helicopter, but don't tell Mulder.

4. Name your favorite Hitchcock film.

Rear Window.  I can watch it over and over, but it has to be in the dark.

5. Would you rather spend time at the library, the mall, a craft store or home?

Oh, Lid.  I had to chuckle about the library. 

If I'm in a creative mood, the craft store.  If not, then home.

6. Which Disney princess is your favorite? (Or Disney character, if you are a guy)

Cinderella was always my favorite.  I felt sorry for her, even as a child. I was more happy for her that she was able to go to the dance and look nice than because she actually found her prince.  I also love that the mice and birds loved her.

7. What kind of art is your favorite?

Nancy's :)

Also, Mary Cassatt, Renoir, and Winslow Homer

8. How do you feel about viral videos, that is, videos made by amateurs that end up on YouTube receiving thousands of hits?

Honestly, it is a bit disturbing to me. It is an example of how quickly anything put on the Internet can spread.  That's now always a good thing.

9. Where do you buy your jeans?

I now like Chico's.  Not Your Daughter's is pretty good, too.  (Pricey.) Most of my other jeans are just department store generics.

10. Tell me about your first automobile accident.

I rear-ended another car because there was a school bus stopped ahead of us. The car in front of me slowed down,  sped up, then slowed down again. I hit him. He was fine. Me? Not so much. This was before air bags were as safe as they are now. I am short and was too close to the steering wheel. I had a bruise on my sternum, a busted lip, and powder burns on my chin. I passed out for a second. Fortunately for all of us, air bags are better programmed for short people and we are all safer because of them.

11. Have you ever been honest when you knew you would benefit more if you would be dishonest?

I am known to be brutally honest. Kind of like Neal Boorz- the only one who will call the baby ugly.  I may be the only one to say it, but most of the time everyone else is thinking it.  If something truly doesn't need to be said, I won't lie. I just don't say a word.

12. If you were appointed "Ambassador to Aliens," what would you show and tell first about life on Earth? What would be the most difficult thing to explain?

First, we'd go to Starbucks and I'd explain the difference between a skinny and a non-fat and that, yes, you can taste the difference. I'd talk him into getting the venti and then we would head to Target.  I'd teach him how to find bargains and to always scout for the 90% off sale.  When we were done, I would take him to a nails salon where he can watch a lady paint another lady's toes (in wonderment.)

As for explanations, I can't say it any better than Jerry Seinfeld-

"Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?" — Jerry Seinfeld

Thanks to the Girls for Lid's awesome questions this week!

Sometimes crazy is entertaining.

I'm starting to think the house is bugged.  

Just the other day I told Hubs that what we really needed was a new season of The Amazing Race.  Yep, that's what we needed.  I've gone far too long without hearing someone complain about weird food or sleep deprivation.  I miss seeing a prima donna contestant spar with a rough and tough tomboy. 

So, you can imagine my surprise when I turned on the television and saw Phil raise his eyebrow once again as he described the first challenge for Season 17. 

I was so tickled that I wanted to call Susanne and share my joy, but I don't have her number and she also LIVES IN CANADA.

That's a whole 'nother country.

The first few episodes of The Race are usually snoozeville for me.  It takes a sweet forever for each team to get through the legs and challenges and, because there are so many teams, it is hard for me to keep them straight.  I'm such an intellectual.

I always feel sorry for the first team eliminated. I want to run up to that pit stop rug that looks like the rubber mat at Winn Dixie's automatic doors and just hug them.  Don't you?  I want to hug them for trying and going all that way, only to be eliminated the first episode. 

Okay, to be honest, I want to ask them how they kept from falling apart on national television because they were completely embarrassed to be the first team to go home.

After week 3 or 4, I begin to connect with a team or two.  There is usually at least one team that gets on my nerves and one that I start rooting for.

The two teams that stood out to me tonight?  The Singers and the Beauty Queen.

I can already tell the singers are going to get on my nerves. No normal person goes through life singing.  The beauty queen just intrigues me. Each time a beauty queen is on I want to see how she will keep her make-up on the whole time and if she can keep the height on her hair.  I'm nothing if not shallow.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to start looking under all of the lampshades for surveillance devices. 

Tap.  Tap.

Are you there, CBS? 

Tell Phil I said, "Hi."

Eight Questions, Answers.

Susanne tagged me for a meme, so here goes.  (Great questions, Susanne!)

1. What is your greatest joy?
Deep- Salvation in Christ, my family
Not-so-deep- A non-fat mocha, add the whip, after a day of Christmas shopping

2. What do you do when you're bored?
I would love to say run around the block or read, but then I'd be lying.  I usually turn on the television or the computer and surf.  Then I turn into a vegetable.

3. Are you a sweet or salty snacker?
Depends.  Sometimes I crave sweet, sometimes salty.  My favorite salty indulgence is hummus with warm pita bread. My favorite sweet is Reese's miniatures!

4. Beach or mountains?
Beach.  No competition there for me.  I like everything about it, sounds, sights, smells, feeling of sand on my toes.  Sigh...
(But I do love the Smokies and Blue Ridge Mountains in the Fall!)

5. Favorite things on a burger.
I like a good mushroom Swiss burger if in a restaurant.  If at home, I like lettuce, tomato, sweet pickle, onion, mayo and ketchup.  The messier, the better. (Great home fries make it even better!)

6. Would you rather have someone else do your laundry, clean your house or do your yard work?
I don't really want someone to do any of my housework, unless it is Hubs and Daughter helping out.  Having someone do the yard work would be fine.  They can also landscape it while they are at it!

7. Are you a one book at a time person or have many on the go at once?
One book at a time.  I need to find a new one to start.  Any suggestions??

8. Favorite scripture or quote.
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".   Erma Bombeck
 
Thanks for the meme, Susanne!
 
Have a great weekend!

A Must Read For Anyone Who Knows A Child

Roxanne is not just a great blogger.  She's a great teacher.  

Her post, And when we screw up...  gives insight to the reading challenges some kids face every day.  I learned so much from her writing. 

Take a moment to read it and see if you recognize anything she describes in a kid you know.