Thursday, September 06, 2007

Thirteen School Forms They Really Want You To Sign

It is the beginning of the school year and, as Nancy has mentioned, time for all of those tedious and often redundant school forms.

Here are a few forms that school officials really want to send home, but are too afraid to ask.


1. The "I Will Participate In All School Fundraisers With Enthusiasm And Pure Joy" Form

2. "I Will Not Complain, Pitch A Hissy Fit or Even Twitch When I Find Out Some Parent Sent Their Kid To School With Lice, Strep Throat, An Intestinal Ripping Virus Or Even Anthrax"

3. "I Will Not Hold Up The Car Line By Applying Lipstick Or Other Last Ditch Effort Cosmetic Enhancement"

4. "When It Is Time For Class Parties, I Will Sign Up For Something Other Than Plates And Napkins"

5. "I Will Not Purchase Mugs, Tacky Apple Decor Or Cookie Mix For Teachers' Gifts"

See Addendum

6. Addendum: "I Will Give Cash For Teachers' Gifts"

7. "I Will Smile Graciously When The PTA President Stands Up In A Meeting (In Her Naive Ambition) And Suggests That I Will Have To Purchase Even ONE MORE TUB OF COOKIE DOUGH"

Has she not seen my thighs?

8. "I Will Really Mean It When I Tell My Kid That The Bratty Girl Who Knocked Her Down On The Playground Probably Just Isn't Getting Enough Attention At Home And Just Needs To Learn How To Get Attention In A Postive Way"

Bless her mean, snot-nosed little heart.

9. "I Will Not Give My Child Sugar, Caffeine, Or Any Other Legal Stimulant Just Before A Standardized Test"

10. "Our Family Will Only Take Vacations During Designated School Holidays"

11. "When I Eat Lunch With My Child At School, I Will Eat The School Lunch Provided And Savor The Culinary Creativity Of The Salisbury Steak For Years To Come"

12. "I Will Cry Tears Of Joy When My Child Asks For Help With Algebra"

13. "I Will Forever Praise The Educational Contributions Of The Criss Cross Applesauce-Bubbles In Your Mouth Method"


FabTheMayor said...

Being a teacher, I could comment on #5 and #6...but you said it better than I ever could : )

ValleyGirl said...

That's awesome! I believe you've captured it perfectly!! You're just too funny.

Roxanne said...

We will DEFINITELY not turn down cash. . .HOWEVER, a bag of microwave popcorn and $.60 for a coke is never frowned upon either.

Kelli said...


Ok- I homeschool. but this one is real.

I will gladly sign the "Yes, I'll drive 350 miles through the barren deserts of Arizona in 110 degree heat to take my 8th and 9th grader to a 'let's get together and meet n greet' llama petting farm field trip."

I mean, it's all about her education, right?

Sign me up.

Big Mama said...

You had me until the tears of joy over Algebra. I'd rather jump off a cliff. Twice.

Susanne said...

But plates and napkins is what I always send. There's other things to send? ;v)

Nancy said...

We are still eating cookie dough from last years fundraiser. Don't worry. It has so many preservatives that it said it didn't even need to be refrigerated.

I am guilty of signing up for plates and napkins or drinks as often as I can get away with it.

My Mom is constantly saying I should buy a mug and give it to the teacher. I favor Starbucks cards.

Great List!

Anonymous said...

I like your blog. The title is so cute! I work for a coupon book fundraiser in Dallas and we have a saying that no one should ever sell cookie dough or wrapping paper, it'll wear you out! I like the gift idea for teachers, you would be a favorite!

Linda said...

I don't understand #13, but you had me rolling. I'll pass this along to my sister-in-law, the teacher. I miss reading ya and am getting caught up!

Deena said...


Anonymous said...

I followed links from one of Deena's blogs and found this. I homeschool but mercy is this funny. I'm gonna copy and send this to my sister... she was a teachera in a private school.