Friday, September 14, 2007

She shall bruise his head with her mop handle

Just when you think all is calm at the pond, you find a snake in your living room while your husband is at work.

Yep. A snake. It was a baby snake, but that doesn't really make the situation any better, unless you take into account that his little reptilian mouth was too small to bite my pinky toe.

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention in some previous posts- The pond out back? Um, it has been home to water moccasins.

I decided to identify the snake before killing it. One needs to know the odds of a venomous bite or, you know, death before one tries to remove a creature that may or may not be deadly. Sadly enough, I am learning about the patterns of snakes.

Stripes- good.

Blotches- sometimes good, sometimes very, very bad.

Diamonds- bad

Bands and Cross bands- Depends on the colors. Red and yellow could be friendly or deadly. So, you are supposed to remember this-

"Red touches yellow will kill a fellow."

It's like a sick, little nursery rhyme that you never want to read to your kids.

This snake had blotches. In order to determine whether he was a harmless water snake or a deadly water moccasin, I was supposed to look at the shape of his head and his eyes. I am no snake expert, but it is my opinion that if you are close enough to a snake to decide whether his eyes are oval or round or hazel with flecks of gold, you are too close.

The possibility that it was deadly was enough ID for me. I grabbed the broom, and in one quick tactical maneuver-like motion, I swooshed it (that's a real snake expert term) near the door and away from furniture to prevent the snake from evading me in a secret snake hide-out. After swooshing, I commenced to smooshing. (more snake expert talk)

Pretty much, I beat the thing to death with the mop handle. It wasn't until I hit it with a Biblical head-crushing jab on its creepy little head, that it died. There it lay, dead as a doornail, right there in the foyer.

After disposing of the remains in the big green garbage can (my version of the East River), I got on the Internet and ID'd the dead critter- A water snake. Poor, harmless, dumb as dirt to slither into this girl's house snake.

May it rest in peace.


Kelli said...

first off, i'm glad you're ok and it was just a water snake.

but, bwahahahahahahaha

you're last line CRACKED. ME. UP.

Grafted Branch @ Restoring the Years said...

EEeeeek! I almost can't handle a post like this!

I saw a snake in my garage once and never went in there alone again as far as I remember. Or at least not without much prayer and panic.

Too bad my washer/dryer was out there. Them was some dirty days in this family. ;)

ValleyGirl said...

That IS one creepy nursery rhyme! Glad it turned out to be harmless (although pretty much all snakes are when they've been smooshed, I would imagine!) and that you handled it with such presence of mind!!!

Roxanne said...

I say any snake that is not encased in either plexiglass or impenetrable wire mesh is fair game unless it has been immediately identified by a man as non-poisonous. Any amount of cotton-mouth poison is too much cotton-mouth poison. Feel no guilt. Sorry you had to even deal with it.

steffj89 said...

we live far enough out in the country that my hubby gave me snake shooting I am not 100% sure where or when I will have call to use do ya trap one in your house while ya go get the gun? and chances are if i am seeing one in the yard if the guns not on me I am too far away from him anyway.
The result of the snake shooting practice...if it had been a live snake rather than a garden host it would have had time to eat a village before *I* actually shot it. I did ok with the rifle, but the pistol i am supposed to use??? i couldnt hit the tree 4 feet in front of me and its about 2 ft around....LOLOL

Susanne said...

Sounds like a really fun place that you live. I don't think I've ever seen a real live snake except behind glass at the pet store. Although we are supposed to have rattler's around here in the hills. But I don't even know anyone who's seen one.

Lynne said...

I would have been on the phone calling a real estate agent to list my house immediately! Can't stand those slimy critters. Dom killed on at the very back of our yard once, and then there was the copperhead that bit Maggie a few years ago. That's more than enough for me, thank you very much!

Ugh! Gives me the shivers just to think about it!

Nancy said...

I'll admit that I felt bad that it was non-venomous, but I've been there. I gave my hubby instructions not to kill our resident harmless PINK snake, a worm snake. He "accidentally" hit it with the mower....or was it a broom handle?

Linda said...

You are my hero.

Sista Cala said...

At least you got in some good practice in case the next one is not so harmless.