Monday, September 17, 2007

You Might Be A Redneck's Girlfriend

When we went on our last road trip, we rented an SUV. Compared to my Mommy Camry, I felt like I was driving a tank. Let me tell ya. It was COO-WEL.

Yes, M'am. That was a niiiiice truck.

So now I've got the fevah for a new vehicle. I was feeling a little warm and clammy before, thinking about a new mini-van or a small SUV, but after driving a Chevy on I-75 alongside the diesels and the hummers, I am completely febrile for a new car.

Somebody give me a Tylenol.

All of the gas- guzzling, ozone-depleting, all-terrainness reminded me of a guy I dated in college, before I met my husband. I will call him "Bud."

My hubs loves to tease me about Bud because Bud was the typical redneck.

Bud spoke reaaallly slowwwwllyy. He was a real gentleman. He opened doors for ladies and even for women who didn't act like ladies. He loved his mama. But most of all, Bud loved his truck.

And Bud had a niiicce truck.

It was a red Nissan, always sparkling clean. You could picture a dog (probably a hunting dog) riding in this truck with his tongue hanging out, barking at people in BMW's at red lights. Bud didn't have a dog, but if he had, I am sure it would have gone out with us.

We only dated for a few months. Most of the time we would see a movie or go out for dinner. After dinner, we would always go shining for deer. If you don't know what that is, let me explain...

Shining for deer is illegal when used for hunting. I am not sure if it is allowed for cruising, or for taking your girlfriend out on a date. It is also not the kindest or most humane activity in the world. Shining for deer is taking a flood light or other bright light and riding along the edge of the woods, looking for deer.

I.E. Deer in the headlight

Now that you are beginning to have a mental image of us out blinding Bambi with a huge flashlight, let me add one more image.

Sometimes a truck with a bench seat does not have a cup holder, and even if it did, come on people, a redneck gentleman with a southern girl by his side? Seated on a bench seat out shining for deer? Now why would you even need a cup holder?!

Because I was the cup holder.

The dip cup holder.

I'm just helpful like that.

Yes, dip cup. We're not talking French Onion. We're talking about the carcinogenic kind- Skoal.

So you can see why Bud did not end up being The One. My Prince. My Knight In Red Shining Armor With Chrome Hubcaps. I mean, with all of that romance, a girl can only take so much!

13 comments:

Sista Cala said...

I just had to laugh as I read your post. With the exception of the "dip" I married someone a lot like Bud. As for the SUV, if you can afford the gas, I say GO 4 IT.
I drive a chevy truck myself and would have it no other way.

Shannon@Idylwild said...

Oh, hon-eee. I dated Bud, too, only his name was (I am not making this up) Tater and the truck was green.

Keltybug said...

Oh my Bud was related to everyone I ever dated before my husband. After prom we went to McDonalds and then went muddin'. Cant get no better than that in the redneck rivera where I live!

Jessica said...

Did he take his dip out when you went into places and leave it on the dashboard?

And I have a Nissan Xterra and I LOVE IT! I have had it for 5 years and I will drive it til the wheels fall off!!!

steffj89 said...

LMAO...i too married a "bud" type. except mine would surely tell you that no real live self respecting redneck would ever drive a foreign truck...LOLOL
SUVs make for mom heaven. we are looking at a larger SUV at this point so that we dont have to take 2 vehicles anytime someone else wants to go with us.
i dated a skeeter once...now my 3 y.o has that same nickname...and heaven help me it fits him.
love your blog
steff

His Singer said...

Oh...(gag)...YUCK.

The heaves would get to me for sure havin' to hold the "dip" and all, and bein' the kind that spills liquids....(gag)...a lot...(heave)...

Well, you get my drift.

reader said...

I suspect Bud didn't have a dog because it would have shed in/on his truck and you can't have that. There's nothing worse than a tidy redneck.

What's that Modesty/they grow up fast enough button? I'm all for that, but when I clicked it didn't go anywhere.

Just found your blog. Enjoyed it!
Anne http://lifepundit.typepad.com/my_weblog/

ValleyGirl said...

Too funny!! I think I might actually be married to "Bud." Just substitute the 'dip' for a pipe and the spot-lighting for settin' on the front porch...lookin' fer deer and other varmints to shoot!

Big Mama said...

This story is the perfect example of true Southern romance. Just think you could have ended up with Bud and been on your way to a tractor pull as we speak.

Melene@Sing For Joy said...

Delurking to say that my Dad will never let me forget that I dated two different guys ( in N.C.) that drove trucks. When we would go visit him and I'd be sitting in the middle, he'd ALWAYS ask if that truck had two seats up front and when I'd reply yes, he wanted to know why I wasn't sitting in the 2nd one!
Love your blog! And we have the same name! Mine's just spelled differently. Blessings, Melene
http://jmeg.typepad.com

LilyLakeMom said...

Loved this post!
Brought back many fond memories of deer shinin' and muddin' too!
Oh, for the good ol' days!
Unfortunately, living near the city now, my kids won't get to carry on in the fun ways of my misspent youth.
Go for the Chevy SUV!!! I wouldn't drive anything else but my Suburban.
And...I still have to hold the dip cup on occasion so you really married up, girl!

Laura @ Laura Williams' Musings said...

I am cracking up!! Bud sounds like one of my brothers!

Heather said...

Too cute. I have a cousin in mind that would fit this description to a T. ;) He was one of those kids that would take the corners on the dirt roads as fast as he could.