Friday, July 25, 2008

Good, clean, grass-stained fun.

Somewhere in my neighborhood yesterday, a perfectly sane woman was inside her air-conditioned home watching HGTV and drinking Diet Coke because it was hot as blue blazes outside.

Then she called her friend on the phone and told her about the crazy woman down the street who was mowing her lawn on one of the hottest days of the summer so far.

Um, that was me. The crazy one.

I realize that it was absurd and beyond all reason to be outside in the scorching heat, but the new mower, it was calling me.

That's right. I said NEW mower.

Last summer my husband was away with work and I was left with yard duty. We could have hired someone and, in fact, the kid next door did a fine job mowing the front yard. All I had to do was mow the back.

With a push mower.

My neighbors were amazed. The other wives who sometimes mow their lawns could not believe that my mower was without power. In essence, folks, I was powerless.

Two of the neighbors nearly forced their self-propelled Cadillac mowers on me.

The difference between a push mower and a self-propelled mower was amazing. It was like going your whole life without Cool Whip on your dessert and then some sweet, old aunt tops your pumpkin pie with fluffy goodness one Thanksgiving and your life will never be the same.

If you are scratching your head or chuckling, perhaps you've never had to mow with a push mower.

Let me explain it to you. A push mower is just one step above Amish.

No offense to the Amish. I love their quilts.

Seriously, I can relate to the Amish. I know what it's like to be picked on; I'm baptist. People still think we don't dance.

Hello. Have you never been to our Vacation Bible Schools? Have you not seen the cool hand motions? It's crazy fun. Crazy, I tell ya. We just don't swing our hips or shake our fannies.

At least, not at church. Wink. Wink.


A few weeks ago, my husband was mowing the backyard when I heard the mower abruptly go silent.

He came inside and said, "The mower is kaput. I hit a stump or something."

Y'all, I was elated. I knew this meant that we were getting a new mower. (I know. I need to get out more.)

We headed to Lowe's that afternoon and discussed the self-propelled option. I told him about how wonderful it was and how much he would love it. I didn't use the Cool Whip analogy, although it would have been useful at the time.

The difference in price between the push mower and the self-propelled mower was a mere thirty bucks.

I, of course, asked if I was worth thirty bucks.

He, of course, paused to think about it.

It's a good thing I am confident in our relationship.

In the end, we bought the self-propelled mower. I was tickled to death. (I know. I know. My own husband thinks I need to get out more.)

So, yesterday, I was looking at the blades of grass which touched the sky, and the mower called me from the shed. Or maybe I was hallucinating from the heat.

Either way, I mowed the yard with the self-propelled mower and it was easy as pumpkin pie with Cool Whip. In fact, I almost wanted to dance.

Shhh... don't tell the deacons.


Roxanne said...

"One step above Amish."


But you ARE insane.

happygeek said...

When you said push mower I thought you meant the kind with no engine at all. (Seriously. There are LOTS of them here in Alberta.) I was about to call you a Saint. Mind you if you are mowing your lawn in a Southern summer you are a saint no matter what.
Happy mowing.

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

This is hilarious!

My husband's been petitioning for a new lawnmower, too.

Only problem is...we have two acres, so even the self-propelled won't do. We gotta have one you can sit on!


I could buy a used car for what some of those things go for!

Susanne said...

Hey, Happygeek is from Alberta too! Fun who you find in other's comments!

Anyway, you are totally hilarious! Crazy to be out in the heat, but hilarious nonetheless!

Jen said...

Oh, you're fine. I always heard that Baptists were against premarital sex because it might lead to dancing.

'Cept you're already married.


p.s. i'm thinking we got to get us one-a-those self-propelled mowers now.

MarySnyder-Joy Filled Life said...

Too funny!! I hate to mow, but we have a push mower and that's because we live on a rock -- lots of rocks actually.

As for the whole baptist, dancing thing, I clapped in church today.... and tapped my foot. Fast. Don't tell the baptist dance church monitors....shhh.
Okay for any non-baptist, we don't have dance church monitors -- that all went out last .... year).
Baptist are fun to pick at and I should know, I'd Deep South Southern Baptist -- Alabama Baptist

Funny post and I love your blog title.. and you're right this ain't NY

Why 2nd Cup of Coffee? said...

Whoa, Missy, you just hold yer horses there on that fool dancin' talk. We always said that we didn't believe in premarital sex because it would lead to ... dancing. I'm glad you're happy, even though you must be delirious.

PJ said...

You better remember. You said it...."This ain't New York!!" LOL Happy Dancing!

MamaBear said...

Oh, honey, I am SO there with you ... my husband has one of those Cadillac riding lawnmowers which I have NEVER been able to figure out in the four years that we've owned it. I've been BEGGING for my very own self-propelled mower with which I can mow the front yard, but he thinks I'm crazy. Why would I want to push when I can ride? Maybe there's something wrong with me, too *chuckle*.

Happy mowing!!!