Friday, August 04, 2006

It's The Scientific Method

Ever wonder how people make decisions? Not big decisions like marriage or hair color, but small ones.

I use my very own high-tech method to choose a good restaurant. I carefully survey the room, not the menu. If there are a lot of men happily eating, then I know it's good. That's it.

My theory is this- Men only eat what tastes good. They don't care that it looks pretty, or the napkin is folded like a swan, or if there are lace cafe curtains in the window, or how delightful the egg salad presentation may be on the restaurant's china. No, men want good tasting food in plenteous portions at a reasonable price.

The best time to judge an eatery using my high-tech method is at lunch on a weekday. If you walk in and it looks like there are men eating happily with other men on their lunch hour, just go ahead and order girlfriend. I can bet you that the sandwiches are big and hearty. The tea is cold and sweet, and the service is excellent. (Exception to this rule would be Hooters.)

If, on the other hand, you walk in and observe a man and his wife eating together, the place could be questionable. See, he will go out on his lunch hour with his wife to a place she likes. This somewhat qualifies as a date. And since men try to please their significant other on a date, the fact that the two are a couple eating out together totally disqualifies them from the study group.

Now, what if you walk in a restaurant and see nothing but ladies sitting around talking? If you want a good chicken salad or maybe a grilled chicken caesar, or the chicken sandwich (something about a ladies luncheon place and chicken...), then put your name on the waiting list. If you do decide to order the chicken salad, it will most likely be served on a lettuce leaf, with a slice of tomato, and a roll.

Listen up! This one is important! If there is a large group of women sitting together at a long table giggling and exchanging gifts, be sure to ask for the dessert menu. Chances are your waitress will bring out a dessert tray for you to drool over. Go for the cheesecake. That's always the best bet at these places.

Back to the method.

What do you do if you walk in and see nothing but families with a lot of kids?
Run, Forrest, run!! Unless you like to waste your money on overpriced chicken nuggets, pizza and macaroni and cheese, you may as well go home.

4 comments:

Mommy Dearest said...

Good advice! I never though of all of that!

BooMama said...

Melanie - you crack me up. And I appreciate anyone who uses the word "plenteous." :-)

Susanne said...

How observant of you! You are too funny! You should so turn this into some kind of scientific study and so get some kind of huge grant. There has to be some use to the gov't or universities for this kind of info that they are willing to shell out the big bucks for! :)

Brenda said...

So there's a method to the madness. I never knew. Thanks for the pointers!