Saturday, August 05, 2006

My Letter to the Editor

I was standing in line at Winn Dixie today scanning the magazines. One particular magazine caught my attention. I won't mention the name, but the title has "world" in it and it is for, ahemmm...women. You connect the dots.

So, I was standing there at the cash register waiting my turn trying to ignore the silicone and botox fest of photos on the covers. I looked at the "normal women's" magazines. That is when I read "Hate Your Belly Fat?" in gigantic font.

Is this a rhetorical question?

Does the editor of this magazine really want to know if I hate my belly fat? I have decided to assume that she really does want to hear my deepest feelings concerning the cellulite that rests at what used to be a waist. So, I wrote a letter and I'm sharing it with you.

Here goes...

Dear Editor-in-Chief,

I was purchasing an entire cartload of high-fat, high-carb food for my family when I saw your magazine at the cash register. The cover showed a very thin woman all dressed in horizontal stripes and a question-"Hate Your Belly Fat?" I just knew that you truly cared about my belly fat and all the other problems of the world, so I am writing to answer your question.

I have to be perfectly honest with you. The truth is that I adore my belly fat! When I am alone, it is still with me. And any time I want to forget childbirth, I just look in the mirror at my belly fat to remind me that the labor of children goes on for years and years.

The times I most love my belly fat are when I am trying on clothes. Ahhh, the image in the 3-way mirror with the fluorescent lighting is just stunning. What would I be without my belly fat? A size 8, maybe? Those were the days. But I am an optimist. So I don't look at the past- the past when I had a waistline and nearly every pair of jeans I tried on actually fit me. No, not me. I don't live in the past. I live in the present, the here and now. Yes, sir! Carpe diem, I say.

Tears come to my eyes as I write this for my belly fat is just so dear to me. What would I do without it? Sun bathe in a bikini? Don a pair of Calvins with confidence? Become a supermodel? Not me. I am just happy to wear my baggy sweats and my swimsuit with the little ruffled skirt. The ruffled skirt is such a classic.

I hope that I have been helpful. Please feel free to ask me any other personal questions concerning body image, bladder control, or premature aging.

Sincerely,
Your biggest fan and her belly fat

1 comment:

Mommy Dearest said...

After birthing 8 kids, I have some belly fat issues of my own. When I was in a doctor's office waiting room with one of my kids last week, I picked up a magazine with an add for a non-surgical proceedure that amazingly smoothed out all of those post-childbirth tummy wrinkles. I would have serious doubts that insurance pays for this sort of thing...