I was standing in line at Winn Dixie today scanning the magazines. One particular magazine caught my attention. I won't mention the name, but the title has "world" in it and it is for, ahemmm...women. You connect the dots.
So, I was standing there at the cash register waiting my turn trying to ignore the silicone and botox fest of photos on the covers. I looked at the "normal women's" magazines. That is when I read "Hate Your Belly Fat?" in gigantic font.
Is this a rhetorical question?
Does the editor of this magazine really want to know if I hate my belly fat? I have decided to assume that she really does want to hear my deepest feelings concerning the cellulite that rests at what used to be a waist. So, I wrote a letter and I'm sharing it with you.
Here goes...
Dear Editor-in-Chief,
I was purchasing an entire cartload of high-fat, high-carb food for my family when I saw your magazine at the cash register. The cover showed a very thin woman all dressed in horizontal stripes and a question-"Hate Your Belly Fat?" I just knew that you truly cared about my belly fat and all the other problems of the world, so I am writing to answer your question.
I have to be perfectly honest with you. The truth is that I adore my belly fat! When I am alone, it is still with me. And any time I want to forget childbirth, I just look in the mirror at my belly fat to remind me that the labor of children goes on for years and years.
The times I most love my belly fat are when I am trying on clothes. Ahhh, the image in the 3-way mirror with the fluorescent lighting is just stunning. What would I be without my belly fat? A size 8, maybe? Those were the days. But I am an optimist. So I don't look at the past- the past when I had a waistline and nearly every pair of jeans I tried on actually fit me. No, not me. I don't live in the past. I live in the present, the here and now. Yes, sir! Carpe diem, I say.
Tears come to my eyes as I write this for my belly fat is just so dear to me. What would I do without it? Sun bathe in a bikini? Don a pair of Calvins with confidence? Become a supermodel? Not me. I am just happy to wear my baggy sweats and my swimsuit with the little ruffled skirt. The ruffled skirt is such a classic.
I hope that I have been helpful. Please feel free to ask me any other personal questions concerning body image, bladder control, or premature aging.
Sincerely,
Your biggest fan and her belly fat
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
After birthing 8 kids, I have some belly fat issues of my own. When I was in a doctor's office waiting room with one of my kids last week, I picked up a magazine with an add for a non-surgical proceedure that amazingly smoothed out all of those post-childbirth tummy wrinkles. I would have serious doubts that insurance pays for this sort of thing...
Post a Comment