Lessons From The ER

It has been one of those days.

My daughter had a stomach virus and let's just say that it has tested my strong maternal constitution. I won't get into the gross details, but the virus forced us to visit the emergency room.

I love the ER almost as much as I love Newman. I'm torn between the two, really.

This visit was actually pleasant, as pleasant as is possible, considering that your daughter has wretched and heaved and you are both sleep-deprived and there are strange people shuffling around in bath slippers watching a television that for some reason must be suspended from the ceiling.

But I digress.

The nurses were fabulous. The doctor was fabulous. And back to the nurses- one of them had the most delightful accent. It sounded French. I'm not sure, but it was delightful.

My daughter needed IV fluids. (Ouch! She was so brave.) She is a different child now and feeling much better.

To stay in the true ER Visit Tradition, I have to share what I learned today. I'm all about bein' educated.

1. The emergency room is the last place to be if you have a phobia of germs. That little shower curtain is a sad excuse for protection from the unknown on the other side. And we all know what literally lies on the other side.

A very sick person who is either vomitting their lunch or coughing up a lung, or both.

And then they call for the bed pan.

2. If you are lucky, (as we were today) and the person on the other side is not hurling or hacking, they will in fact have one of the following conditions:

A skin infection
Strep throat
A strange insect bite
Back pain (can we say "drug seeking?")

3. All emergency rooms are painted pink, blue or pink and blue. I think it is to calm the patients. Or the staff.

4. When your kid has just finished vomitting for the past 36 hours and you yourself have had nothing decent to eat, the staff will invariably heat up their lunch in the breakroom microwave and the delicious aroma will manage to waft down the hall and cross the shower curtain barrier, reaching you, the starved, sleep-deprived mom.

5. Since you are a mom and nothing that your kid does ever makes you sick, you actually get hungry when you smell the microwaved meal. (Let's face it; you can change a d*aper and eat a peanut butter sandwich.)

6. Bendy straws are a kid's best friend.

7. Sitting by the bedside with a sick child reminds you of all the times your Mama sat with you. You opened your eyes in the soft, quiet darkness and saw her still there. Then you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

8. Motherhood, with all the bodily fluids that come with it, is the best job on Earth.

:>)