Small Town News

Mama phoned to say there was a death in the family. By "in the family", I mean just barely related- related enough that you go to the funeral. But for us, that covers most of the town.

My parents attend every funeral of everyone in our family, everyone who is married to everyone in our family, everyone who used to be married to everyone in our family, and everyone who lived next door or across the street from everyone in our family (not really, but Mama would take them some food, at least!)

So, when she calls to tell me there has been a death, I usually don't panic. I know that it is highly likely that, even though the deceased qualifies to us as family, chances are that I have never met the person in my whole life.

This was the case with her recent phone call. As I suspected, it was one of those relatives that I really did not know at all. Although I had heard of her before. Let me explain how this person qualifies as family. I'll try to type slowly so you can follow along...

She is my Daddy's brother's wife's mother. (Daddy's brother is Uncle Jack. Uncle Jack married Aunt Margaret. So, Aunt Margaret's mother has passed away.)

I do not mean to sound insensitive at all. Please understand. I do sincerely sympathize with the family's pain.

Most of the time when someone calls and tells you there has been a death you ask the typical questions, "Was it an unexpected death?" "How is everyone handling it?" and "When is the funeral?"

But, as soon as Mama told me who had died I asked,"I wonder who is going to drive the hearse."

A few years ago our family had another death. It was Daddy's brother's wife's sister who had passed away. You got it! Aunt Margaret's sister! Daddy has three brothers. But, I'll save the other two for another post...

I hope you are following along ok, because it is about to get complicated.

Aunt Margaret's sister had passed away, so Mama and Daddy went to the funeral. A few days later, Mama received a call from her sister, my Aunt Barbara.

Aunt Barbara said, "Well, you didn't tell me about the funeral!!"

Mama, confused, answered, "What do you mean? You knew about the funeral."

Aunt Barbara answered,"You didn't tell me what happened."

To paint a picture of how small town this small town is, my mama's sister had the inside scoop on my daddy's brother's wife's sister's funeral through my mama's sister's husband's cousin who works at "the" funeral home. And I do mean THE.

The scoop was that my Uncle Jack drove THE hearse from the funeral to THE cemetery.
He asked THE funeral director if he could drive the hearse.
His reason for doing so was, "Well, I drove her everywhere else!"

I still don't know who drove THE hearse this time. But I am sure to find out. When I do, I'll let ya'll know.