Sunday, January 06, 2008

I'll take away your chewing privileges, Mister!

*Updated to add- After Linda's comment, I just hope Joey the Beaver is saving all of those banana leaves for the seven years of famine. :>)

I know that most of you have been sitting at the edge of your seats waiting anxiously for a beaver update.

Today is your lucky day.

For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, let me give you a brief history. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm Southern. Nothing about me is brief.

We have a small pond behind our house that we share with our neighbors. Most of the time, the pond is quite enjoyable and relaxing. It is stocked with fish and attracts beautiful wildlife like herons, cranes, migrating ducks and turtles.

It also attracts thousands of mosquitoes.

And beavers.

Sure, beavers look all cute and cuddly, but let me tell you, they are not. Beavers destroy things, ordinary and odd things like banana trees, fence posts, outdoor lighting, and any other object that would make their hidden condo complete. In fact, rumor has it that they are about to have their own show on HGTV. It's a spin-off of Trading Spaces called, "The Beavers Did That."

A while back we hired a trapper who would remove the beavers humanely and relocate them to another pond. When we caught our first one, the neighbor called us all over to check it out. Other than looking a little embarrassed about being caught, like some beaver rookie, the little critter looked fine. We looked like idiots.

My friend Nancy said she gets a little sad when she sees a member of an animal family trapped and removed. She always holds out hope that one day he will be reunited with his family. I told Nancy that maybe the trapped beaver was a trouble maker or a slacker, that maybe the conversation in the Beaver family went something like this-

"Hey, MOM! Joey never does his chores. All he does is wait for us to bring him some banana leaves or pear branches and then he lounges around in the underground condo and watches Ty Pennington build entertainment centers."

"JOEY! You are grounded! And clean up this den! Mud is everywhere!"

Maybe his Mom and Dad tried to teach him to be a responsible citizen in beaver society. Maybe his sister is that beaver age, and she got tired of little brother getting on her nerves, hanging out with her friends and doing that annoying noise with his tail.

Finally, Joey became the example and after a very firm, tough love push, he found himself in a snare on the shore awaiting his relocation while a bunch of people stared at him in wonder on a Saturday morning.

Right now, Joey is swimming around with other delinquent beavers, going through beaver boot camp on a new reality TV show.

Hosted by none other than, Ty Pennington.


Linda said...

This scenario is quite possible. However, he may be the Beaver equivalent of Joseph, the object of jealousy of his brothers, and was sold into trappery to you humans. Let's just hope he has pity on you one day when he rules your neighborhood. Yes, I got your email saying, "yes." Does Feb. 29 work for you?

Linda said...

So ... does Feb 29 work for you?

I really want you to watch Lost so that we can blog about it together! They say the best way to watch is get the series (library?) on DVD and watch it so that you don't have that terrible frustration of hanging on the cliff at the end of the episodes. I spent 45 minutes on the elliptical tonight without even knowing it because I was watching!

Life In Progress said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I just started a blog & one of the stories I considered telling involves the trapping of a trouble-making beaver. Then I thought, "No, it's too weird, people will think I'm crazy......" Maybe I should reconsider.........

Roxanne said...

Just getting back to reading my regulars. . .this is hilarious. You and the wildlife around ponds do NOT have a good track record.

Janel said...

Omigosh! One of my best friends just had beavers in their backyard creek! We had squirrels in the attic last year and it was a hoot in trying to see my hubby get them out. We finally had to call this wildlife removal service and they did the simplest of things and charged us a minimal fee. Critters - cute to look at but not in your space!