I wonder if Erma ever had to bathe a cat.

Maggie has been in need of a bath for some time now. That things she does with her tongue just isn't cutting it.

I am the only one who bathes Maggie. I don't know how it happened, but when the Cat Bather assignment was given out, Hubs was off to the teacher's lounge making copies on the mimeograph machine.

I've given Maggie baths since she was a kitten, so you would think by now that she knows she isn't going to drown or die or be tortured. She could easily stand there nicely in the tub and wait patiently as I remove the stink from her fur.

But, then again, we're talking about Maggie.

So she stands there in the tub (and by stand I mean tries to escape continually) and moans and cries so as to alert the neighbors that she is drowning or dying or being tortured. Fortunately for us, all of our neighbors either listen to loud music,aren't home, or just figure the noise is part of our weirdness.

I've been putting it off for a while. It's cold. It's Maggie. Last night I stopped procrastinating. Maggie needed a bath and she has been sporting an Alfalfa at the base of her tail that would make Darla scream.

How does a cat get an Alfalfa?

Anyway.

I filled the tub with warm water, got out the sweet-scented, hairball-reducing shampoo, stacked some towels, and scooped up Maggie from her usual spot- the sofa. As soon as I turned the corner towards our bedroom, she began to wail. She may be old and stinky, but she's not stupid.

I plopped her in the tub and commenced to bathing. And praying. And wondering why in the world Hubs went back to the shelter to get her. In record time, she was clean and I was soaking wet.

Maggie's yellow eyes stared me down with disdain as I wrapped her in an old towel. I put her on the bathroom counter and gave her a quick blow dry. At one point she looked at herself in the mirror. She was not amused.

Once she was nearly dry, I let her down and she plodded away in disgust. She moped and snubbed me for at least an hour.

I can't wait to see what I find later on the rug.

Oh, and Hubs, you may want to get a new toothbrush. It was resting on the bathroom counter during Maggie's beauty treatment.

I cannot be responsible for Maggie's actions during that split second I had to turn my back.

Lid's Random Dozen- Plinko

Head over to Lid's and get the lowdown on the Plinko title. Here are her awesome questions for the week.

1. How old is the oldest pair of shoes in your closet?
I had to go to my closest and look. There is a pair of black loafers that I think may be five or six years old. I never wear them anymore, but they are my back up pair of black loafers until I get a new pair.
Looks like I need a new pair.

2. Did you buy Girl Scout cookies this year? If so, what variety?
Yes. GS are the only ones I will purchase anything from door-to-door. I'm a sucker. I bought a box of Lemonades and Peanut Butter Patties. Here's a thought for the Girl Scout Association: How about selling them at a time when we aren't thinking about swimsuit season? Just a thought.

3. Do you know how to ballroom dance? If not, would you like to?
No, and yes. That would be fun. I'm not sure I want to enough to take lessons at this point in life.

4. Were you a responsible child/teenager?
I'm so grateful for the forward slash in this question.
Child- YES!
Teenager- Notsomuch

5. How many of this year's Oscar-nominated movies did you see?
One. Up. I still cry every time I watch it. Hubs and Daughter always look over at me at certain parts to see if I'm wiping my eyes.

6. If you're going to have a medical procedure done, such as having blood drawn, is it easier for you to watch someone else having the procedure done or have it done yourself?
It doesn't bother me either way. Cartoons make me sob, but needles...ehhhh... piece of cake.

7. What is your favorite day of the week and why?
Saturday.
No school.
No commitments.
Nap.

8. Do you miss anyone right now?
I suppose if I said, "no" that I would be heartless. If I say, "yes," then I'm forced to explain. The teenager in me will say, "maybe."
Seriously, I miss family that has passed away and friends who live out of town.

9. Do hospitals make you queasy?
No. See #6. Libraries? Another story.


10. At which store would you like to max-out your credit card. Not that you ever would, you responsible person, you.
This is tough. It would have to be a store with gorgeous dishes and linens.

11. Are you true to the brand names of products/items?
Yes.
Heinz ketchup
Hellman's (or Best) mayo
Diet Coke
White Lily flour
Jim Dandy grits
Cover Girl face powder
Just to name a few!

12. Which is more difficult: looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when he/she is telling you how he/she feels?
Just the question makes me squirm a little. Can't I just write them a letter or a blog post or something?

Visit Lid for the Random Dozen. She is the hostess with the mostest. She also uses better modifiers than "mostest."

What A Mama Does

I went to the mailbox today and found a treasure. No, it wasn't the valentine. I've given up on that. It's probably lost. I keep picturing someone in the deep rainforest of Papua New Guinea trying to read it, holding the twenty up to the sun, and trying to figure out the meaning of all the stickers on the envelope.

It's all quite fascinating, especially since I'm fairly sure people in the rain forest don't actually get mail.

Anyway.

Mama sent us an envelope of treasures.

She recently found a very old photo of my great grandparents. It's one of those black and white photos where the subjects sit next to each other, but not very close. Neither of them smile and you know they probably only took the photo because a photographer was in town. I look at it and wonder what work they had to put aside to take the time for the snapshot.

She also included newspaper articles. This is what mothers do when their daughters move away. They clip and highlight newspaper articles from the hometown paper and mail them. The biggest news is always a wedding, or maybe the birth of a baby. Sometimes someone wins an award. Then there are the festivals and town tragedies.

One of the sweetest items she included was a clipping from a Belk circular. It featured a gorgeous comforter set in pinks and greens from the Biltmore collection. Next to the photo, Mama wrote,"Looks like something you would like."

It's not that I'm going to order the comforter. I'm not even looking for one. Mama just knew that I'd love it (and I do) and that I'd appreciate her sharing it with me (which I do.) What's more endearing is that she recognizes what I love.

That's what a Mama does.

Even the ones in Papua New Guinea.

I live in a non-pony country.

Click on the link below for more proof that I can relate anything in life to a Seinfeld episode. Other people play the Kevin Bacon game. I prefer Jerry.

Here's to all the immigrants who had to leave their ponies behind.

Click here for the video.

Happy Weekend!

Lessons From The Barn

Y'all know that Daughter has been taking horseback riding lessons. She adores it and she has learned a lot. It is amazing what a child's brain can store.

Anything related to animals or DS games is instantly filed and locked away. Other things like, oh, cleaning their rooms or picking up the towel off the floor are instantly dumped.

Sigh.

When she first began horseback lessons, I was clueless. (Okay, I'm still clueless.) I thought a pony was a baby horse. I didn't know what a cinch was or that there were special names for colors and patterns.

I was never around horses growing up. I was never interested in horses, either. Many of you shudder at the thought, I know. My own daughter thinks I'm nuts.

The truth is that I was a wimp and that I really didn't like the smell of manure (who does?) I also never liked to be dirty for very long. I liked to play in the dirt, but once I was done, I loved to come inside, take a long bath, play with my Barbie, and put on some nice, clean footie pajamas.

That's still me, minus the Barbie.

It also takes me a very long time to get up the nerve to try something new. I am very cautious and get frustrated when I don't get something right away. This is why I never learned to drive a stick shift. (And why Hubs will ski alone for the rest of his life. Bless his heart.)

However, I love animals and I appreciate them. I also appreciate the people who work with them.

That's why I've dedicated this post to Daughter's horseback riding instructor and to all the beautiful creatures she shares with us each week.


All I Ever Needed To Know, I Learned In The Barn:
A Clueless Southern Girl's Attempt At Horse Humor



1. Horses are a lot like people. They have personalities, feelings and moods.

2. Horses are much different than people. They weigh more than you do and can kick you in the head if you don't follow safety instructions.

3. Always wear a helmet when around horses.

4. The barn is a lot like your home. Everything should be put in its place so you can find it when you need it later.

5. It is easier to motivate a kid to put away tack than it is to put away toys. Maybe we should tell our kids that they are raised in a barn.

6. When the ride is over (good or bad) it's always best to walk it out.

7. Always listen to your instructor.

8. Always listen to your horse.

9. Stuff happens. When it does, you shovel it, learn from it, and get back on.

10. Sometimes you step in it. (To avoid this, see #'s 7 and 8.)

Random Dozen: A Little Odd, But I Think I Love You

1. Do you prefer even or odd numbers? Any particular reason?

Odd numbers. Particularly, 3, 5, and 7. I have no idea why. Maybe it is a sign of some strange mental illness or abnormal aversions to post offices and libraries.

2. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being "not at all" and 10 being Carly Simon-worthy, how vain are you?

I have my usual hang-ups like most women, but in all I'd say I'm a 4. This is evident by the amount of roots I have right now.

3. Among these Irish stereotypes, with which do you identify most closely? Talkative, Proud, Inquisitive, Love to party, Hot-tempered

Inquisitive and maybe a little hot-tempered.

4. How lucky do you consider yourself?

I've been blessed beyond measure in so many ways. Some days I forget that.

5. What is the subject of your favorite post that you've written?

Maggie. She's lovable and quirky and could possibly prefer odd numbers.

6. Describe March weather where you live in three words.

Wait Five Minutes

7. How apt are you at detecting blarney when you hear it? (Smooth talk, flattery)

VERY. I can spot a line or a schmooze from a mile away.

8. How "green" are you, environmentally speaking?

Not very. It's the rebel in me.

9. What is your favorite song this week?

I haven't listened to a lot of music this week, except for the radio in the car. I'll have to go with the opening music to The Amazing Race. I'm excited about the new season and the cowboys are cracking me up.

10. You are walking along and see a coin on the ground. What denomination does it have to be before you will stop to pick it up?

None. Daughter spots free coins quicker than I spot Blarney. If I do see one, I pick it up and hand it to her.

11. Complete the sentence: "Every time I look outside my window ...."

...I wish we had trees."

12. What was the #1 song on the day you were born?

"I Think I Love You" by the Partridge Family.

(Lid, I was so glad it was a song I actually like!)



See The Lid and her blog for more. She doesn't spout any Blarney.

Movies, Sales, and Naps

When we first married, I looked forward to Saturdays with anticipation, planning and plotting the fun things Hubs and I would do.

During the week, I'd glance over at him on the sofa and say,"What do you want to do this weekend?"

"I don't know. What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. Whatever."

"What is there to do?"

"I don't know."

By the time Saturday arrived, we usually ended up just going to a matinee while sneaking in snacks from Wal-mart.

We always went to a matinee. Newlyweds do not have a lot of money. You could say the matinee is the newlywed version of the early bird.

On our really exciting ventures, we went out to dinner after the movie. (Hey, we saved all that money on movie tickets and cheap snacks. Why not splurge?)

Now we are parents, but the weekends are pretty much the same.

"So, what do you want to do this weekend?"

"I don't know. What is there to do?"

"I don't know. There are no kid movies playing."

So Saturday often involves Hubs doing yard work during the summer months, me going grocery shopping, and Daughter playing, cleaning her room, or just being a kid.

On a really exciting Saturday, I get to go shopping or have my hair done. Sometimes I'll meet a friend for coffee or take a nap.

Or BOTH.

But not at the same time.

Those couches at the coffee shop are quite comfy. The baristas do let you lounge freely on them, but they usually draw the line once you fall asleep.

The homeless look just isn't good for business.

Saturday Nancy and I met for coffee. We chatted. We caught up. And, yes, we may have lounged a bit. It was all perfectly acceptable because neither of us fell asleep. (It may have something to do with the double espresso.)

After our coffee time, I went to JCPenney to return a catalog item. (I've become my grandmother. She loved the catalog.) Then I found some great doorbuster sales.

I've always been fascinated by the doorbuster. There is always a time limit, like "only from 9:00-10:00" or "only on a Tuesday when there is a full moon."

This time I managed to be there at the right time when the moon was the correct phase and I found the cutest lounge pants, t-shirt and comfy socks, all for the low, low price of twenty five bucks! I happen to be wearing them right now. I'd take a photo, but it's morning and well, I'm in my pajamas.

After the super find at JCPenney, I headed for Hobby Lobby to buy some picture frames because they were on sale for 50% off. They're always on sale for 50% off. I found three for gifts and then stood in line for a sweet forever. I was tempted to just put them back and walk out in protest or in principle, but it took me an hour to find the three I was looking for. Plus, they were 50% off.

My Hobby Lobby trip then lead me to the grocery store where I managed to spend over $100 and had nothing to show for it, except for some really small apples and a supply of butter for Hubs.

So, that was my Saturday. No matinee. Although, I may have had some cheap snacks.

How about you? Did you do anything exciting?

Better yet, did you get to take a nap?

Friday's Fave Five- Olympics

So, here are my favorites for the week. I seem to have some kind of Olympic theme this week.

Notice none of them involves the postman. The reason I pick on Newman and not some punk kids taking things from our mailbox in some kind of teenage caper is because our mailbox is locked.

Gotta let it go, m'am.

Back to my favorites.

1. The two performances by Canadian figure skater, Joannie Rochette. There is always something about the ladies' figure skating that is emotional. This story both breaks my heart and inspires me. I was so glad to see her win a medal.

2. Gold Medalist Kim Yu-Na from South Korea. After hearing about the immense pressure this young lady is under as a celebrity and skater in her country, I was so proud to see her win. Her performance was incredible.

I am also glad that the judges don't let the personal stories affect their scores. These ladies won based on merit and performance.

3. Watching and hearing my own national anthem play.

4. Watching and hearing other national anthems play.

I am a patriot of my own country, but I can be moved by the patriotism of others. What an amazing opportunity to stand there on the podium, exhausted, and watch your country's flag raised.

5. Seeing the Canadians win. Hubs thinks I'm nuts or just sappy. I always love it when people from the host country win a medal. What a proud moment to be able to win and be surrounded by your countrymen on home soil.

See my Canadian friend Susanne for some more great posts. Thanks, Susanne!

Keeping It Pithy

1. Still no valentine. The glass is half empty part of me says, "Someone is enjoying Daughter's money from her grandparents."

The glass is half full part of me says, "The valentine is just stuck in a dusty, old canvas mail container and will arrive."

Then the glass is half empty part of me interrupts in her grumpy voice and says, "Next time they'll take the valentine, the twenty, and the glass."

2. I am out of dinner ideas. Right now I'm boiling chicken on the stove hoping that by the time it is done, I'll have a recipe to put it in. Unless I have a recipe revelation, we'll be having Chicken Divan.

3. I need a haircut. Desperately. We won't discuss the roots and the gray. I can't decide what kind of cut I want, so I keep waiting. If I wait much longer, I'll have to start wearing hats.

4. Must go. Just saw Newman's little truck. Maybe he's delivering the valentine. Or a new set of glasses...

An Open Letter To Newman

Most letters begin with "Dear," but Newman, you and I both know that would be stretching it.

So.

Newman,

We've had our ups and downs. Mostly downs. We've had our disappointments. Mostly mine.

The time has come when I feel we must make amends. This enmity between us has affected the lives of my loved ones and it breaks my heart.

Over the years I've scoffed at your profession. The late mail and damaged packages. The tracking system which is just a ruse. Your attitude. Your little truck... okay I never made fun of that.

Alas, I set aside all of my unused two-cent stamps and my grievances and reach out to you with one request.

Please deliver my daughter's valentine.

Her grandmother sent it over two weeks ago. She wrote legibly and didn't use a red envelope. Still, the valentine (and the twenty tucked inside) are somewhere out there in Postal World. Lost. Lonely. Torn. (Man, I hope not.)

In the spirit of St. Valentine and all the other Hallmark holidays, let's call a truce. A little girl and her piggy bank are waiting.

I'll be at the mailbox at our usual time. You know the place.

Painfully Sincere,
Melanie

P.S. You'd better not be spending that twenty on root beer and TV Guides.

Roughing It

Hubs pitched the tent. Then he inflated the single air mattress, covered it with an arctic sleeping bag, added a pink snowman pillow, a stuffed bunny, a Build-A-Bear black lab, and a flashlight.

And that was just his sleeping area.

He and Daughter are camping in the backyard. They invited me to join them, but I don't do camping. Remember?

Seriously, I wouldn't mind it in our own yard. The bathroom is steps away and I can easily reach my Diet Coke. However, I declined the invitation. There's something sweet about a Daddy/Daughter camping outing.

I'm tucked inside with Maggie and the laptop.

All. By. Myself.

As soon as I finish this post, I may just grab the tissue box and watch The Notebook.

Oh wait, we're out of Puffs with lotion.

Now, that's roughing it.

In a last ditch effort, I'm considering clothes pins.

All of my life I've known that something was unusual (okay, weird) about my sense of smell.

I can smell things others can't. Kind of like that kid in Sixth Sense, but without the macabre.

Mama is the same way. Although, she says her sense of smell has diminished over time. We both have a lot of problems with allergies. So I've always attributed our freak-of-nature skill with malfunctioning sinuses or something.

Or we're just strange.

Sometimes this unusual talent (?) is nice. I'm able to enjoy flowers much more, my laundry smells fresh longer, and I can actually tell when Krispy Kreme has hot doughnuts without looking at the neon sign.

Maybe that's stretching it a bit.

Other times my olfactory oddity can be most unpleasant. For example, Small Town is surrounded by cows. (Like in the thousands. You do the math.)

Or when there is a rotten potato in the pantry, or an unusually strong onion odor in the trash, or the most debilitating experience of entering a public restroom.

May I also note my never used a porta-potty record. Now, can you see why?

So, as you can see. My bloodhound super skills are both blessing and curse.

Which is the point of this post. You knew I'd get to it eventually.

I have a problem. I can't seem to find the perfect anti-bacterial hand soap. This may seem insignificant to normal people, but it is quite the dilemma for me.

Bath and Body makes the neatest foam soaps, but they dry out my hands in the winter. Right now I have the Fresh Linen scent in our bathroom. I was going to suffer through the dryness for the sake of, you know, freshness, but I tell you, it smells like cough medicine to me.

Yes, as in Robitussin.

I bought a moisturizing hand soap with shea butter, but I've realized that there is something about the scent of shea butter that bothers me.

You can see. I have issues.

So, my inter-peeps, do you have any suggestions?

I do love lavender, vanilla, and fruity scents. Any products you love? Hate? Any great moisturizing hand soaps?

I know there are more pressing problems in the world right now, but we'll save feeding the starving people for tomorrow.

My nose and hands would be most grateful.

P.S. As a strange, side note, I had to give up Maybelline Stiletto mascara because the smell strangely reminds me of beer.

LidNa's (not a typo) Random Dozen: Olympic Style

1. If you could compete in one Olympic event (not necessarily winter sports) what would it be?
We're assuming that in an alternate universe, I am athletic. Right?
'Kay.
In Bizzaro World, I would love to be a figure skater. It's the closet thing to dancing and the uniforms are the coolest. I am so sophisticated.

2. Do remember a specific Olympic moment from the past?
Nancy Kerrigan. Bless her heart. And I mean that. For real.

3. Have you ever known anyone who competed in the Olympics?
No. However, I have a friend who has an extremely talented son who could possibly end up in the Olympics. He is a talented swimmer and his mother drives him to swimming practice every morning at dark-thirty and every afternoon at whatever-thirty. Rain or shine. Hot or cold. SHOUT OUT TO LL! Yes, you!

4. If everyday activities were Olympic-worthy, which activity would you have a gold medal in?
Wow. I have to think on this one. I'd love to say cleaning or cooking or organizing. Seriously, if I could hope for them playing the national anthem because of my efforts, the activity would have to be the longest time spent in yoga pants. Record breaking, I tell ya.

5. Do you know anything about your ethnic heritage?
Part Indian or Native American or whatever, part British and part Irish Wolfhound. I mean, I may have some Irish. Who knows?

6. Do you enjoy sleeping late?
Yes! Finally something that would win me the gold medal!

7. Have you ever performed CPR on anyone? Do you know how? (Yes, that's two, I know. Whatevs.)
No, unless you count that poor dummy at the Red Cross class (the plastic one on the floor.)
Yes, I do. I hope I never have to use it.
But not like I hope I never have to use my killer karate moves.
(Is there a gold medal in making up skills?)

8. Name one country you'd like to visit and explain why.
Greece. Just always have.

9. Have you ever fixed up a couple romantically?
No. Most of my friends are probably thankful.

10. What is the last book you read?
The Great Christmas Bowl by Susan May Warren
It's a novella and yes, it's about Christmas. But that doesn't mean you wouldn't love it right now in the middle of February.

11. Do you enjoy sleeping late? NO, YOU write the question! How's that for random??
Okay, here's my question-
What food would you make accessible to all Olympic athletes at Olympic Park?
Good Southern cooking with fried chicken, biscuits, vegetables cooked in bacon fat, all slathered in butter. If you can eat that and still do a triple toe loop, you're a real athlete.

12. What is your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant?
Thai Basil Fried rice at Thai Kitchen in Ft. Walton Beach, Florida.
Tied with
Crab cakes or Gulf Shrimp from Dewey Destin in Destin, Florida

Thanks, Linda!

Soon Maggie Will Ask For Her Own Cell Phone

In addition to the usual Valentine hoopla at our house, yesterday was Maggie's birthday.

She turned thirteen. In human years, she's a full blown teenager. In cat years, she's just old.

We really don't know when Maggie's birthday actually falls. It is just an estimate based on when we rescued her from that awful place called the shelter, how old they thought she was, and the fact that Valentine's Day seemed the perfect birthday for a kitten.

Maggie was a gift to me from Hubs. We had visited the shelter several times looking for a kitten. In fact, I had even met Maggie, commented on how cute she was, then could not decide. Days passed and Hubs decided to visit the shelter again to surprise me with a kitten.

When he arrived at the shelter, there was Maggie (named Gypsy at the time) and he thought it was fate. He later said he got her because I said she was cute.

"I think all cats are cute,"I said,"if we brought home every cat I thought was cute, we'd be breaking some kind of animal control laws or something."

The truth is that Maggie had already been adopted. In between our first meeting and Hubs' return visit, a family had adopted her and then brought her back. (They claimed it had something to do with their landlord or something, but after thirteen years of shear JOY with Maggie, we know better.)

Hubs paid the fee, put her in a little cardboard box and made the long drive home. She mewed the whole way, sticking her little black nose through the holes. He rolled in the driveway and asked me to come outside to his car. There was Maggie's nose, pressing against the cardboard.

Yep, I melted.

For Maggie and for Hubs.

We named her Maggie after the Magpie bird. She's been the gift that keeps on taking ever since.

Each Valentine's Day we celebrate her birthday. By celebrate I mean we say "Happy Birthday, Maggie!" as she sleeps on the sofa and gives us the stink eye.

Really, how would you celebrate a cat's birthday? They are natural loners, so there are no friends to invite. They are picky, so they're tough to buy for. And they're ungrateful, so there would never be any thank you notes.

You just leave them alone, let them sleep as much as they want, let them out when they want, feed them when they want, and keep the litter box clean.

Come to think of it, it is a lot like having a teenager.

Only without the little cardboard box.

You could call me Phil.

This morning was the first morning I've felt like greeting society. And I don't mean greeting society as in wearing a formal gown and practicing my curtsy. No. I mean opening the blinds and taking off my scary, anti-social, sweatpants attire.

I have a cold.

Daughter gave me her cold, which is really my own fault, because I've always taught her to share.

As usual, she was sick for a short time, then quickly got better. My almost 40 year-old body takes much longer to recover. I am not a really whiny sick person. I'm just a sickly sick person. I require more sleep (in addition to my already high requirement), boxes of Puffs with Lotion, and gallons of Diet Coke.

A quick aside. Wouldn't it be cool if they sold Diet Coke by the gallon? Okay, maybe it would lose its fizz fairly quickly, but still. Cool.

As you can see by my wanderings, the cold medicine is beginning to kick in. That, and my third cup of coffee.

I do have a lot of catching up to do. Valentine's Day is nearly here, my house could use a good scrub, and groceries... Groceries? You mean a sub from Quizno's isn't a balanced meal?

Unnecessary Ruffness

So, I was one of about 5 people yesterday who didn't watch the Super Bowl. Instead, we watched the Puppy Bowl.

I wasn't thrilled with the NFL's choice for the half time show. (I won't go into that here. Just Google it.) I'm not a huge football fan anyway. And, after the Janet fiasco, you never really know what is going to pop up. (Excuse the pun.)

Hubs was out of town for the day. So Daughter and I sat in front of the TV, ate chili dogs, Cheetos and Doritos, and watched puppies and kitties play. I'm telling you, it beats pro football any day.

On another note, we are supposed to have more snow this week. Oh, SPRING, wherefore art thou?

How was your weekend??

More things I don't understand: Food Edition

Once again, I'm baffled.

This time it's about food.

1. Why is it that the teenager making my sandwich at Sonic has to wear disposable gloves, but the professional chef at the fancy restaurant can handle every single shrimp from my scampi in order to plate it beautifully?

2. Why does the lady at Winn Dixie have to wear a hairnet while she makes my kid's birthday cake but Duff's staff can stand over a thousand dollar cake for days without their hair pulled back (or any gloves, I might add?)

3. Why is it never okay to eat an entire plate of bacon and eggs unless I am on a special protein diet?

4. Who actually prefers Diet Pepsi? Someone is buying it, but no one wants to admit it.

5. Who decided to put carrots in cake?

6. When you go to Sonic in the mall, do they have little cars for you to sit in?

7. Does the egg salad look over at the chicken salad in the deli counter and wonder,"That's what I could have been."

8. When Martha Stewart does something over-the-top, does she say,"Oh, that was so me."

9. When Rachael Ray is at home, does she cook her 30 Minute Meals and try to beat her own time?

10. The Food Critics on Iron Chef America are so soft. I'll give you a food critic. A two year-old child.

What about you? What food stuff don't you understand?

Partially Thawed

Now I know why Mr. Rogers became friends with his neighbors. He was preparing for when he got snowed in.

On Saturday morning, after two straight days of going absolutely nowhere and crazy, I asked Hubs to drive me to the mall.

I'm ninety.

Seriously, we had no idea what the roads were like. The street in front of our house was still covered with snow. I knew the major roads were clear from what I had read in the paper, but that wouldn't help me if I couldn't get to them.

I had three choices:

1) Attempt to drive myself and have to call Hubs to rescue me from the ditch.
2) Let Hubs drive me to the mall.
3) Stay home one more day and go nuts with cabin fever making Hubs wish he had driven me to the mall, or that I was stuck in a ditch. Oh, I kid. Sort of.

Hubs offered to drive me and we all bundled up. I trusted his driving more than mine. He has skills.

I wore my Target snow boots like a REAL BONAFIDE winter expert. I was a wee bit self-conscious wearing snow boots shopping. They seemed a little casual compared to say, some cute ballet flats. However, I decided that sporting snow boots to Dillard's drew less attention than sliding across the icy parking lot and landing on my rear.

Plus, as a nice surprise, most of the other ladies at the mall were sporting snow boots or Uggs or whatever. Simpatico.

Saturday night we went to a baby shower BBQ as opposed to a baby BBQ shower, which could be ugly. (Never say the order of the adjective and/or adverb does not affect the meaning of the phrase.)

The lady who hosted the Shower BBQ should earn extra jewels in heaven. Not only did she invite husbands and kids to the shower, she had them all in her house after the snow storm. Bless her heart. That's hospitality.

I was telling Mama about the BBQ when she asked me,"What kind of BBQ did they have?"

Now if you aren't from the South, you don't know the complexity of that question. In the South, we hold BBQ nearly as close as our religion and guns. (In fact, we may even cling to it.) There are types of BBQ (beef, pork, chicken) and subtypes (Memphis, Kansas City, Texas, Carolina.) It goes on an on. You could call it a BBQ Taxonomy.

The other thing you may not know is that, for us, BBQ is a noun. Not a verb.

I told Mama that at this BBQ, we had hamburgers and hot dogs because the term meant just to grill something.

And grilling, they did. In the cold. We had some of the best tasting burgers I've eaten in a while. I even asked for the recipe.

Yesterday the snow really began melting and turning to slush. It's still cold, but at least we can get out of the house.

I learned a few things from the snow storm.

I like my flip flops more than my snow boots.

When I am ninety, Hubs will do a fine job driving me to my hair appointments during a blizzard.

Snow makes her nervous.

This morning I woke up to another snow-covered day.

As soon as my feet hit the floor, Maggie followed them. She followed me to the coffee pot, the frig., the sofa, back to the coffee pot.

She scratched at the back door to go on the porch.

Hubs said,"Okay, Maggie. You won't like it."

He opened the door and Maggie stepped outside. She sniffed the snow drift, licked it, then scratched to come back inside. She's such a sissy. Wonder where she gets it.

Meanwhile, I discovered that there is only so much housework a girl can do to keep busy. I'm nearly done with laundry. I've prepped dinner. I don't even want to attempt to clean floors until the snow is gone, and I have no craft project to work on. A run to Hobby Lobby would be wonderful about now.

One day of being snowed in is fun. Two days of being trapped, I mean snowed in, is getting to me.

It was a while this morning before Maggie finally settled down. She scratched more doors (even the frig.- weird cat,) tried to climb into a 9 x 9 puzzle box (like me trying to squeeze into a size 4 jeans) and then wandered around the house aimlessly.

Once I sat down with the laptop, Maggie curled up in the bend of my knee, saddled alongside me, and relaxed. I think I even heard her let out a little kitty cat sigh. She's a nervous Nellie. Wonder where she gets it.

It's the kind you read about.

I woke up this morning, looked outside, and realized that the neighbor's house had disappeared!

We're having a winter storm. The kind where the snow blows sideways and it rains all at the same time. The street is covered, our walk is covered, you get the picture.

Our windows on the back porch even have a frame of snow around them from where it blew under the porch.

Before now, I've only seen hardware stores do that for effect with fake snow. (When you've lived in the South most of your life, the only things you see trapped in window screens are mosquitoes and cobwebs.)

I told Daughter that we would have our regularly scheduled tests, but she could have the rest of the day off from homeschool. Hubs isn't even going to work. So, it's official. We have a Snow Day.

Hubs came in a few minutes ago and said, "Who wants bacon and eggs?"

Daughter and I both declined after looking at Hubs with puzzled faces. We don't eat big breakfasts during the week. She has already had her bowl of cereal and I've yet to microwave my Smart Ones breakfast quesadilla.

I have to say, though, the smell of the bacon and eggs is yummy as I type this mediocre post. Maybe I'll grab a plate and run across the street to the neighbor's to eat it. No one will see me.

If I don't return, please send out a search party for me. I'll be the frozen girl covered in snow and ice with the half-eaten bacon and eggs.

When all else fails, post a recipe.

The blog is starting to echo.

I sat down to write something and heard crickets chirping. I told Mama on the phone that in order to blog, you actually have to DO SOMETHING to blog about. Sorry, guys. I'm boring.

Truth is, I've been busy. I just haven't blogged any of the busyness. My in-laws and sweet niece were here for a visit and we had a blast.

While they were here I made a new potato soup recipe that turned out to be a hit. Daughter took a bite and said, "Is this a Paula Deen or a Melanie?"

I had to laugh. She knows me too well.

The recipe did start with a Paula recipe but then I added my own spin. The part I love is that it is made in the crockpot.

Pay no attention to the fat content. LALALALA...

Crockpot Potato Soup

1 32 oz. bag frozen hashbrowns
3-4 stalks celery, chopped
1 small onion, chopped
1/3 cup chopped or thinly sliced carrots
3 cans chicken broth (I used leftover homemade stock)
1 can cream of chicken soup
3 TBS. butter (divided)
1 8 oz. block cream cheese, cubed

In saucepan, saute celery, onions and carrots in 1 Tbs. butter or olive oil until celery and onions are soft. Add hashbrowns, celery, onions, carrots, chicken broth, cream of chicken soup, and remaining butter to crock pot. Cook on low for 4-5 hours, until potatoes are tender. Add cream cheese; cook another 30 minutes or until cream cheese is melted and soup is thickened.

I also added some leftover mashed potatoes to the mixture to thicken it. With the homemade chicken stock, I did not need to add salt. If you use canned broth, be sure to salt and pepper to taste.

To make it extra yummy, add one cup of freshly grated mozarella cheese when you add the cream cheese.

Garnish with green onions or parsley.

YUM!

Random Dozen

What would I do without Linda?

We've had family visiting over the last week and I'm a little behind with blogging. I sat on the sofa to dust off the laptop, and Linda saves the day with this week's Random Dozen.

1. So I was thinking about how Jon Bon Jovi never seems to age much. His hair is smaller nowadays, but he still manages to look like a boy somehow. And then that made me think of the story of Dorian Gray. Question: If you physically lock in one age for yourself, which would you choose and why?

I'd pick 27. My skin, hair and figure all looked their best. Too bad I can't hop in the DeLorean and go back in time.

2. What is the best dish that you cook or bake (your piece de resistance?)

Hubs likes my chicken salad (surprise chicken salad) and my pot roast (he says I hooked him with it!)

Daughter likes my fried chicken.

3. When you feel blue, what is one strategy you use to help yourself back to normal?

I eat sweets. I wouldn't call it a strategy.

I usually feel better after some rest. Catching up on sleep and just recharging is always good for the blues.

4. When was the last time you danced in public?

I can't remember!

5. Do you consider yourself a realist or dreamer?

Painful. Realist.

6. As a parent, what is one thing that you have done well?

Teaching that there is a definite right and wrong.

7. Which is your favorite character on the Andy Griffith show?

Floyd. There was a guy in our church youth group who could do an awesome imitation of Floyd saying, "Ohh... Andy."

I love Floyd's subtle comedy.

8. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you know about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.?

Maybe a 6 or 7.

9. Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried … to find a comfort from in side you? (Sorry, Jorge was singing that song just now, and it just seemed to be perfect timing as I was creating this week’s questions.) REAL question: What is your #1 driving pet peeve?

Cell phones. Sometimes I wish I had a bumper sticker that read, "Hang up and drive."

Then again, they'd never read it because they are too busy talking on the phone.

Not that I have an opinion about it.

10. Which color best represents your mood today? Care to elaborate?

Pasty white from the winter blahs.

I could use a nap and some sunshine. I'm ready for Spring!

11. If your spouse were an animal, which would he/she be?

Some kind of monkey or a gorilla. He is goofy and fun but when it comes to taking care of his family, he could be a real silverback. (I love him for that!)

12. What activity takes up the bulk of your time on an average day?

Cleaning something. It's all a big blur.

Hopping Off The Bike

Our group had purchased a bike for Nathan as well as clothes, some games, and other teen guy things. Each were carefully wrapped with pretty ribbons and bows. Even with all our effort, that huge plastic bag could not disguise the bike...


Join me for a cup over at The Internet Cafe today and read the rest of the story.

Random Dozen- Junk foods and junkies

I'm positing this a day late. I don't think Linda will care because we are pretend BFF's.

1. When was the last time you craved a food--what was it, and did you cave?

Last night. It was Peanut Butter. Peter Pan, to be exact.

Yes. I only ate one spoonful, so I did have restraint. We have one jar for Daughter and I to eat out of and another for Hubs to have if he wants peanut butter. I guess he thinks it's gross to get peanut butter from a jar where I've double (and triple) dipped. Whatever.

2. M & M's or Skittles?

M & M's. No contest.

3. Have you ever read the Bible completely through?

No, but I've started and then fizzled out in about March or April.

4. How long does it take you to really wake up in the morning?

Seriously? About 2 hours. I don't lie. The other morning I was making my coffee and I almost put Benefiber in the coffee maker.

It wouldn't have tasted good, but I would have felt wonderful.

5. Have you ever been on a cruise? If not, would you like to?

No, and I'll have to say "no." I have said that if I ever did go on a cruise it would be along the Mediterranean so I could hit all my fav destinations at once- Spain, Italy and Greece. Besides that, I like my feet on land, but where I can dip my toes in water.

6. Who is your favorite actress?

Hmmmm... if I have to pick and I suppose I do because Linda makes up the rules... I'd say Sandra Bullock. She tends to take parts that are mostly decent. At least, to far.

7. ______ is something that I will just never understand.

Only one blank?

Chess

8. How much of a technology junkie are you?

Not at all. I think it's cool, but I never would go out and purchase something because it's cool. I do like a cool laptop, though.
I said cool a lot. That is not cool.

9. Do you enjoy selecting greeting cards for people, or is it more of a cultural "have to" for you?

I LOVE buying cards. Sometimes I look for cards just for fun and save them for a birthday that is months later. I am such a nerd.
10. When was the last time you got a new style/haircut?

I try pretty much every time I walk in but somehow I walk out with the exact same haircut.

11. What do you enjoy shopping for most?

I love shopping for gifts. It ranks right up there with picking out a card. Other than that, I love shopping for linens. I am a sucker for the white sale.

12. What's the last thing you think of before you leave the house?
Did I turn off the curling iron?

That totally dated me, didn't it?

See Lid for more posts.

Faces

I had a post all prepared for today. It really says nothing. A silly rant dusted with sarcasm. You know, the usual.

But I just can't post it.

I keep thinking of Haiti.

Our Compassion sponsored child lives there. I have no idea of where her little village is in relation to the massive earthquake. She could be perfectly safe, unscathed, unaffected. She could be trapped beneath the weight of a collapsed roof.

Or worse.

I think about her family and her friends and wonder if they are safe. I think about her country and what little resources it has to offer.

I think about my God who is with her right now. Even if her tear-stained face is never seen on FoxNews, He sees it. He holds it in his hands and wipes away the pain.

Today I pray for all the faces of Haiti.

I hope you will, too.

DIY: Keeping My Sanity 101

January and February are the blah months.

Look out the window and see the weather. Blah.

Look at my pale skin. Blah.

Not much to look forward to after coming off the Thanksgiving/Christmas Holiday High. Blah.

I can tend to get the blues in these months, but I've come up with a way to help. My method is cheaper than therapy and without the side effects of Prozac.

A few years ago we were putting away our Christmas directions and I decided to take the opportunity to organize things. I mean, hey, you've got the boxes. Right? After organizing, I rearranged furniture, changed bedding, rotated table linens, and even found a few new things on sale.

Doing something, having a goal, helps with the blahs and sprucing up the house always cheers me up.

So, that's what we've been doing around here. I've organized closets, Hubs has hung shelves and even organized the garage. (If it were not for my junk drawer, you'd think I'd gone all Martha on y'all.)

I've found a few bargains for the house- some new kitchen towels, a floral arrangement for the fireplace (complete with real peacock feathers.) In all, I haven't spent a lot of money.

If a girl really wants to go all out, now is the time of year to find some great bargains everywhere. January is inventory time and stores are ready to get rid of as much stock as possible. You can find linens, home decor and sometimes furniture on sale.

Okay, so maybe it's not cheaper than therapy.

What about y'all? What do you do to beat the winter blahs?

A Weekend to End All Hope For All Weekends. Plus, the answer to the ringtone quiz.

I just read a few bloggers' recaps of their weekends. Compared to y'all, my life is Snoozeville.

My weekend went something like this.

Friday we stayed home and had leftovers for dinner. The frigid temps prevented me from even wanting to venture out.

On Saturday, we did some projects around the house, I returned a lamp at Hobby Lobby and purchased a green arrangement to put in front of our fireplace (the fake one.) The arrangement is nice on its own, but I wanted to add some oomph. I bought some peacock feathers which I assumed were fake to add to the greenery.

Ahem.

Tonight I mentioned that they were fake and Hubs informed me that they are real. I plucked them from the arrangement, we both inspected them and determined that they are real.

Hubs tried to encourage me by saying that peacocks shed their feathers. I mentioned that these peacock feathers were from China and I'm pretty sure the Chinese don't stand around and wait for the peacock's feathers to fall out.

Oh, the guilt.

Poor little peacock, I'm sorry. I hope you'll accept my apology and please know that I will take good care of your plumage.

I'm not much of an animal activist but there are a few weak spots for me- whales, sea turtles and birds.

Except for pigeons.

Back to the weekend.

Today we went to church, lounged around the house, finished some other projects (we are on a roll!) and watched Maggie sleep. She sleeps a lot these days. I believe she has officially entered retirement. However, she is a cat, so how would you know?

I also went to the grocery store and bought a cart load of groceries. It was very exciting.

That's my weekend.

Congrats to Amy who was the first to guess that my new ringtone is the Seinfeld TV theme song. I am so transparent! And, Amy, you are right. It is a cool ringtone!

Happy Monday!

It's like a little game show, except without all the cool prizes.

I'm learning all the little tricks with my new phone. Hubs has started to text me so I can text back. I'd like to believe it is just so he can keep in touch and we can grow closer as a couple, but I know he's really doing it so I can practice.

He also told me he would download a cool ringtone for me. He offered to customize the ringtones so I would know who calls. Truth is, there are only about five people who have my cell phone number. Only one or two of them actually call me on my cell. As you can see, customization is really unnecessary.

However, I did want him to customize my rings indicating a call, a text or a voicemail, so he did.

Now on to the contest.

Are you still here?

Throw out a comment and see if you can guess my main ringtone. You should be able to guess if you have read this blog for a while. (The tones for text and voicemail just can't be guessed. Too obscure.)

I'll give you a hint:

Think themes.

I'll throw out more hints if no one guesses correctly.

Best Dishes

I'm sitting here sipping coffee and watching Paula. She is on her second recipe and she has already used nearly five sticks of butter.

She's a woman after my own heart.

Plus, she said she'd love to offer her viewers one of the beaters from her hand mixer.

Maybe it's just one of those days. Or maybe it's the butter. Or Paula. I just had a flashback of a moment in the kitchen with Mama, flour dusting the counter, bits of sugar crunching 'neath the mixing bowl, the smell of the gas oven pre-heating for a cake.

And the taste of cake batter as I lick those beaters clean.

Yum.

In childhood, you should never skip the butter.

It sure beats looking for gum.

Well, look at that. I haven't written anything since last year.

That sounds so dramatic.

I don't know about y'all, but vacation is over at our house. We've celebrated 'til the cows come home (and around here that could be used in the literal sense) and we've rested nearly into a vegetative state.

So, real world, here we come. We're back and we're dressed (which is a huge change from lounging around in our pajamas.)

Homeschool began for us today. I'd like to stay it started with a bang but I'd be lying. It's more like a poof. But we started and we will get into a good routine this week. It takes a while to remember that a normal day does not begin with corn flakes on the couch and an hour of Spongebob.

Last night I rounded out the vacation with a fun celebration. My friend L just turned 40. She doesn't look a day over 25. I'm not kidding.

It was a surprise party with a small group of ladies who are all a hoot. L was escorted in the restaurant wearing a blinky tiara and a pink feather boa completely with grace and style. Only L could do that.

Happy Birthday L. You make 40...er... thirty-nine look good. Hold on to that feather boa. I may ask to borrow it in about 11 months.

From your 110 pound friend.

(Last clever line stolen straight from a birthday card. This aging thing is killing my creativity.)

Welcome To The Party

So, it's New Year's Eve once again. I've celebrated thirty-er... something New Year's Eves and most of them turn out the same.

I stay up really late, eat junk food, then sleep in the next day. It's all very exciting.

Hubs keeps saying we're going to play a game one of these years. It's called Hiding Gum. The rules per Hubs are 1) One person hides sticks of gum all over the house 2) Everyone else tries to find it.

You can see why we've never played it.

If you're new to this blog, you don't realize that the Hiding Gum game is a sort of a joke and perfectly normal for Hubs all at the same time.

We will be home tonight, eating chili and watching TV. No parties this year (or any year, one doesn't receive many invitations when all they bring to the party is Juicy Fruit.)

This leads me to one question: Has anyone seen the Wally World commercial with the product demonstrator?

The lady doing the demonstration looks nothing like the ones I see at Wally World. She is about fifty years younger, much more perky and pleasant. She demonstrates every small appliance in the store.

Overachiever.

The part that sends me over the edge is when she follows a customer home and helps her with her party. Who invites a Wally World employee to their house to help them make meatballs? Isn't that a little creepy?

I suppose they'd be really good at greeting guests at the door (tee hee.)

It really is pathetic when a Wally World employee receives more party invitations than I do. I'll bet she never plays Hiding Gum.

Happy New Year.

Beware of party guests in blue vests. (sound of wolf howling in the distance)

You're welcome.

Sightings in Smalltown

This year Hubs gave me a new cell phone for Christmas. I have always been a bit behind-the-times when it comes to technology. I usually don't go for the newest gadget just because it's new, and I always have to be convinced I need it.

Okay, so I'm still not convinced that I need it.

But my new phone is pretty cool.

Plus, Nancy will be happy to know that now when she texts me, I can text her back. Once I figure that out. And no, I am not ninety.

My old phone was fairly simple. I could dial (even my verbs are dated) and receive a text. I could send one as well, but I didn't have the little keypad like all the cool middle schoolers. Now I have a keypad and the ability to access the NET and take pictures.

Fancy.

It will all be quite nice once I've read the little instruction booklet.

Today I could have kicked myself for not reading it yet because, you will not believe what I saw in SmallTown today.

Daughter and I pulled into Hobby Lobby and there at the end of the parking lot, near the intersection was the strangest sight.

A camel.

Yes, a camel. There with the camel was a man I assume was his (or her?) owner, along with a pick-up truck and a trailer. People were lining up to put their small offspring on said camel for who knows what amount of money.

It was then that I wished I could use my new fancy phone and take a picture for y'all.

Drat.

Or should I say, "Dromedary?"

As I stagger from all the carbs

Now that I'm awake from my turkey and Reese's cup-induced coma, I'd like to wish all of you a very, merry Christmas.

Hope it was grand!

Just FYI- baked mashed potatoes with mozzarella cheese is de-lish. Just sayin.'

Pardon me while I reach for another Reese's...

I never claimed to be Bill Gates or Thomas Edison.

There's one little bit of information I left out of last week's posts, the few that I wrote anyway.

Hubs was out of town.

You can understand why I almost always wait to tell you about Hubs' out-of-town events because, as my Mama and Granny would say, "there is meanness in this world."

Really, I don't believe that there are people out there who wait for Hubs to leave and then track my home down with the ISP address, but there's another thing I inherited from Granny (other than her tendency towards bunions) and that is paranoia.

In a completely healthy form.

My people lock their doors. They lock their windows. They pull the curtains to block out peeping toms. If my grandmother could have experienced the Internet, she would tell me to protect myself from the people who could possibly wait for Hubs to leave and then track my home with my ISP address. If she knew what an ISP address actually was.

So, Hubs came home on Saturday. He was here for only a few hours before we had to head out for a Christmas party. Before he even whined a little at the Christmas tie I picked out for him, he assessed my computer problems.

While he was gone, I emailed him about my potential computer tragedy.

I had been printing pictures for Christmas cards and decided to download some new pics from our camera. I plugged in the camera, pushed a few buttons, then the computer screen went dark. Every time I tried to turn on the computer, I could hear a hum, but nothing really happened.

SO.

When Hubs came home from his trip, he went into our computer room to assess the problem.

"What does it do?"

"Watch. Try to turn it on. Nothing happens. It's like it's trying to come on and never does."

After pushing the button and fiddling with the mouse to read the screen, Hubs immediately figured out the problem.

"It's not getting any power. Is it plugged in?"

He reached around the hard drive and saw that a cord had come loose.

"That's why it was going into power save. It was trying to save power because it didn't have any."

He plugged everything back in, and wouldn't you know it? The computer works just fine.

Electricity is amazing.

Tomorrow I am going to put in a cement pond.

Linky Love

If this post by Carpoolqueen doesn't motivate you to organize your bathroom cabinets, I don't know what will.

I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time.

Linda's Random Dozen: MERRY CHRISTMAS and all that.

1. Gingerbread: For or against? Discuss.

I can take it or leave it. I can't say that I've had a lot of homemade gingerbread. When I have, it has been good. I often enjoy the smell more than the taste. I love ginger in other things, especially Chinese food.

2. Is it important to you to always stay (live) close to family?

It's a good thing it's not, or I'd be a miserable wreck! My family lives on the other side of the country. It would be nice to live closer, at least a few hours driving distance. I wish my daughter could see our family more often. I saw my grandparents at least once a month and grew up knowing them well. I hope she can have that some day.

3. Which holiday pretend character do you wish really existed?

I could say Santa, but then a real guy who lets kids sit on his lap at the mall and then breaks into houses at night, eating all your cookies, is pretty creepy.

So, I'll go with Frosty.

4. Which holiday movie best represents how you feel about Christmas or life?

I love A Christmas Story. Apart from the "tapestry of obscenites that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan," I love how the family is just keepin' it real. They love each other and try to make things nice for each other at Christmas. I love the mom.

Other movies are just too sappy for me. I have a heart, but I survive through humor.

5. Is there a particular Christmas song that you're enjoying now? Any that you're tired of?

I can't think of any particular one for this year. My favorite is The Little Drummer Boy. I am so glad we have passed the Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer era.

6. What is your favorite way to remember those less fortunate at Christmastime?

I think the best way to help is to ask God to show you a way. Sometimes it's putting money in the red kettle or giving to an angel tree. Sometimes it's a kind word of encouragement or a hot meal.

It's never a fruit cake.

7. Does it upset you to see "Xmas" instead of Christmas? How about "Happy Holidays" etc., instead of "Merry Christmas?"

Oh, man, Linda. You lit the fuse. Where do I begin?

First of all, does it hurt to use all the letters of "merry?" Do we really need to abbreviate? (No, it's an excuse.)
Second, when it's the 4th of July or Flag Day, do you say "Happy Holidays?" No? So, exactly which holiday are you celebrating on December 25?
Third, it's a FEDERAL HOLIDAY.
Not that I have an opinion or anything.
And, yes I acknowledge that there are other holidays in December that are equally important to people in this country. I'd be glad to wish you a happy one of those as well. Let's just not lump them all together and look silly doing it.
Whew. I feel better now.

8. How many Christmas programs are you attending this month?

Probably two.

I really wish I could have seen The Nutcracker this year. I miss that.

9. Are you dreaming of a white Christmas? Any chance of that dream becoming a reality?

It would be nice. I suppose it's possible.

10. Tell me about a Christmas present you received as a child. Pics are always nice.

I got a doll that I had requested from my parents. I spoiled the whole thing by peeking in my mom's closet and finding it weeks ahead of time. When I opened the doll, I burst into tears and confessed.
Lesson- Don't peek in other people's closets. Your Christmas will be rurnt (that's ruined.)

11. How many Christmas parties are you attending this month?

Too many to count. I'm party pooped.

12. How do you keep yourself centered on the significance of Christmas?

Being part of a weekly Bible study has helped a lot. I also try to take one day at a time (as I cross off the days left on the calendar to get things done!) Seriously, it is hard. I think you have to purposely focus on Christ to not be distracted by everything else. That goes for anything in life.


It's kind of like the hymn-

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

See Linda for more links and posts.

Reality Check

First, thank you for your comments on yesterday's post. Many of you are like me, a stressed mess.

I also want to mention that I am not naive to believe that all women have a Godly husband. Many are married to non-believers or to men who are struggling with something. To those of you without support, please know that God cares for you. He honors those who continue to walk in His ways, especially when they have no support from their spouse.

Do not be discouraged. God is in control.

On a much sillier and less important note, the pitiful wreath I spoke of is still on my front door. The wreath itself is not too bad, but the bow is sad.

Now, in addition to card mailing and gift shopping, I have to make a bow.

Fortunately, I am of the bow making group. I take a bit of pride in that fact, especially since I am not a member of the cookie making group. (Unless slice and bake counts.)

Hey, not everyone is a Martha. In the biblical and Stewart sense.

Happy Tuesday.

Let me know- are you a bow maker or a cookie maker? Both? Okay, go ahead and brag.

He was the husband of Mary.

Christmas is less than two weeks away. Our tree is just now decorated. There is a pitiful little wreath on our door which needs serious help, and I am not finished with my Christmas shopping.

Picture blogger pulling her hair out here.

I have finished most of the shopping for our out-of-town family and friends. I've even done most of the shopping for Daughter. I am not finished shopping for Hubs and I'm pretty sure he isn't finished (or started?) shopping for me.

Which reminds me, if you want to be thoroughly entertained on Christmas Eve, find a spot in a department store near the fragrance and jewelry section, and observe. Watch as frantic husbands search for the perfect gift.

When I worked in a department store, those poor clerks in fragrance and fine jewelry never got to go home early on Christmas Eve. They were bombarded with husbands who strolled in after work, within an hour before closing, to find a gift for their wives.

I worked in the children's department. By 4:00, our department was empty of customers. Every mom and grandma purchased their gifts from us weeks in advance, on sale, knowing all the correct sizes. A husband's' idea of correct sizing is holding up a cashmere sweater set and eyeballing it.

God love 'em. They try.

These last few days I've been rushing to get things done. I've been a stressed out wreck. At Christmas time, I always feel like I'm caught up in a tornado of commitments and duties, whirling around in a mess. And what is Hubs doing?

He's the one keeping me grounded. (Believe me, it takes a lot of patience.)

I've been thinking lately about another husband who doesn't get a lot of press this time of year. We hear about him briefly in Sunday School a few weeks before Christmas. Then, for the most part, his wife gets all the attention.

I'm talking, of course, about Joseph.

Joseph was a Godly and honorable man. When he first learned of Mary's condition, he considered dealing with it quietly. This wasn't because he didn't love her. He wanted to protect her from being put to death.

Instead, he trusted God and was obedient. Joseph took Mary as his wife and became the soon-to-be earthly father of Jesus.

When it came time to go to Bethlehem for the census, the birth of Jesus was drawing near. Joseph must have been afraid or, at best, concerned traveling with an expectant wife across rough terrain.

Still, trust and obedience. Jesus was born in a stable.

When Herod ordered the infant sons to be killed, God sent a warning to Joseph to flee. He took Mary and Jesus to Egypt, protecting them all from death.

Are you noticing a pattern?

Yes, we love to think about Mary, her faith and her love for Jesus. The thought of a young woman bringing the Savior into the world makes for a great story (and thank God, a true one.) But what about Joseph?

He doesn't get a lot of credit because he never asked for it. Instead, his trust and obedience to God point us straight to Jesus.

I wonder what Joseph would be like if he could have been a husband of our times.

He may be the kind who works hard, reads his Bible, says the blessing at the table each night, and tucks the kids into bed. The quiet, strong one, the one you can depend on, who never complains.

He may be the kind who supports his wife while she spins like a top with commitments and Christmas stress.

If you have a Godly husband in your life, go right now and hug him. Tell him you love him and that you're glad he loves the Lord. Tell him you appreciate him, even when he thinks it goes unnoticed.

While you're at it, you may as well tell him your sweater size, too.

Christmas in Februrary and Lid's Random Dozen

As usual, Linda does not disappoint.

1. Which physical trait do you now accept--maybe not love, but accept--and no longer feel extremely self-conscious about?

Oh, boy. I'm tougher on myself than I used to be, so this one is difficult. I guess I'll go with my feet. My big toe looks like it should be on a size 9 foot. The rest of my toes fit their size 6 1/2 surroundings. It's very circus-like.

It used to bother me a lot. Now I just throw on some flip flops and try not to trip over it.

2. This week Meredith Baxter Birney, best known as the mom on the favorite 80s sitcom "Family Ties" came out of the closet, which led me to formulate this question: Who do you think is/was the best TV mom?

I'd say the best TV mom was Mrs. Huxtable. She wasn't too soft (like Mrs. Brady) nor too hardened (Mrs. Bundy.)

3. Do you speak any foreign languages? Are there any you'd like to learn?

Some people consider Southern a foreign language, so I could technically say "yes" to this question. I'd love to learn Spanish. Two years in high school only helps me order at the Mexican restaurant.

4. Who is your personal hero?

I'm one of those odd people who does not really have a personal hero. I guess it is the cynic in me. I acknowledge a person's accomplishments and find them inspiring, but not quite to the hero level. Plus, people disappoint.

As a Christian, my real hero is Jesus. I know that's the Sunday School answer, but it's true. And He never disappoints.

5. What is one holiday food that you find extremely difficult to resist over- indulging in?

That bag of Reese's cups Hubs puts in my stocking each year. Yes, the BAG.

6. Tell me about a Christmas decoration that has special meaning or sentimental value.

We have a star tree topper made of cardboard and a paper towel paper tube, covered with glitter. My daughter made it when she was about 4 years old. I remember making it with her on our back porch, glitter everywhere (which is why we were on the porch.) It has lasted, amazingly, with the glitter still intact. Here's to spray adhesive!

7. How do you feel about snow?

I love to look at it. I like to sled in it. I don't like to get cold in it. I don't want to get stuck in it.

8. On average, how many hours of sleep do you get each night? Not that I'm jealous of any number over three or anything.

Seven. I'd prefer nine.

9. Tell me about your first crush.

Elementary school. His name was Paul and he gave me a Valentine. I nearly died.

He offered to give me a ride home on the handlebars of his bike. (You can't resist a man with wheels.) But then he realized where I lived and that he would be late getting home and didn't want his mom to yell at him (mama's boy.)

So I walked home as usual with the Valentine in my pocket. sighhh...

10. You're stuck in a room for 2 hours with only a chalkboard and chalk. What will you write/draw?

Some kind of tree. Then I'd erase it and practice my name. I'd erase that and doodle, wondering why someone had locked me in a room for 2 hours.

11. Do you dress for the current temp or for the day's forecast?

I dress for the current temp and prepare for the forecast. I bring a jacket or dress in layers. Here in New Mexico, you can have all 4 seasons in the same day. It's tough to decide.

12. Favorite Christmas movie is?

I think I've mentioned my deep fondness for A Christmas Story. Mama gave me the lamp Christmas ornament this year for my birthday.

Must be Italian.

Head over to Linda's blog for more good stuff.

Be sure to meet me at the Internet Cafe as I share a very special Christmas letter.

It's kickin' up the sand.

Thanks to all of you for your birthday wishes! I love my blog peeps.

Last night I remembered that I had not gotten the mail. It was after 9:00. I put on my puffy coat and ventured down the street to the mailboxes. I really miss having a mailbox right in front of my house. Not just for the location, but there's something homey and welcoming about a cute mailbox out front.

I walked outside and was overcome with fog. It was dark and dreary, and I could barely see down our street. Plus, it was freezing. By the time I got back to the house, the fog had frozen to my face. Weird.

Then, this morning we woke up to an ice storm. It looked like a winter wonderland outside, all purty and splendid but with the potential for deadly car crashes and annoying power outages. Fortunately, I made it to Bible Study without a car crash and our power stayed on. (My hair appreciates that.)

The sun is shining now, but there is a serious wind which could get up to 50 knots. I'm not good at equivalents, but I know that 50 knots is more than 50 mph, and hello, 50 mph! (I totally understood "more than" and "less than" in math. That little alligator mouth analogy just made it so clear.)

So, in honor of our treacherous weather and the little alligator, I give the following link to a clip from Mighty Wind (shout out to Linda) which has nothing to do with wind but everything to do with all things funny.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go do my work.

Click here to watch The New Main Street Singers, Mitch and Mickey and The Folksmen.

Next year they'll surround me with black balloons.

Well, now. The weekend is over and it was a full one.

Saturday was my birthday. I turned exactly 39 years old. Really.

I'm kind of glad I reached that milestone because I can officially hold on to it for years to come. Seriously, I told my mother-in-law that it's just a number. I do think about where I'm going, where I've been (channeling Forrest Gump), but I don't want to get all hung up on numbers and years and how that wrinkle between my eyebrows just won't go away.

Mama always said not to squint or I'd get wrinkles. A word of advice for all you whipper snappers out there- Listen to your Mama. Not just about squinting.

I woke up Saturday, greeted by gifts from Hubs and Daughter. Normally we open gifts during birthday dinner, but they decided they couldn't wait. (I, however, was perfectly patient. Ahem.)

Daughter and I worked on a craft that I can't really go into here because some of my extended family reads this, and HELLO, it's Christmas. I'll have to tell you all about it Dec. 26.

Then I was off to get my hair done because one thing I've learned about turning 39 is that the gray just pops up in places it didn't the year before. I also had nearly 2 inches of roots to cover. Lovely.

After a little shopping and one stop for a faux Starbucks (specifically a faux Peppermint Mocha, it just ain't the same) I came home with my new do.

Hubs told me to spin around so he could get a good look at me, which is his way of telling me I looked nice. (After 13 years of marriage, I've learned his love language.) Daughter honestly said she liked it.

Later, Daughter and I discussed my hair privately while looking in the mirror.

"It's not too much blonde, is it? It's not as blonde as a few times ago, but a little more blonde than last time," I asked.

"No, it looks good," she said.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good, 'cause I know if I ask you, you'll be honest about it. Daddy can't be honest. It would hurt my feelings. It's a husband kind of thing. But I know you'll tell me the truth and that's good."

"It looks good."

"Thanks. It doesn't look good when it's too blonde."

"Especially when you're not really a blonde."

"Um, yeah. Again, thanks for the honesty."

I'd better not asking her about that little wrinkle between my eyebrows.

Seriously, with all her daughterly honesty, she made me one of the best birthday gifts I've ever received. Dinner.

Daughter decided she wanted to make my birthday dinner. With Hubs' help, she made oven-fried chicken, tangy mixed veggies and french bread. She also got out the cloth napkins and china (her mama's doing a little dance) with pretty tablecloth. Strawberry punch was served in our glass stemware and Hubs' cookies were dessert. (Yes, Hubs makes cookies. They made me swoon over him in college. That's a post of itself.)

It was one of the nicest birthdays I've had. Family from far away called. Friends emailed and one even called me to sing. (Yes, sing!)

Thirty-nine was a good year. And I'm still holding.

Excuse the typos. It's frostbite.

Last night I was up late watching Boomerang (Tom and Jerry. It's a secret, silly indulgence)and I decided to check online for the current weather in SmallTown.

This is what I found.

Party Cloudy
Current Temperature: 15
Feels Like: 5

If it were not for the cows, I'd think I had moved to the Great White North with Susanne.

FIVE DEGREES. That's just cold. Why even bother counting.

Five. Degrees.

That's as high as you can count at that temperature because your fingers are all frozen. Not that I count on my fingers. I'm just sayin.'

I think today may be a good day to bake, if I baked. Since I don't bake, we may do some crafts after school.

Maybe some hot glue will thaw out my fingers.

Let it snow.

Snow has fallen all day, resembling powdered sugar from heaven.

One can dream.

Daughter played in it for a while after our lessons were complete. (The benefit of being a homeschool kid.)

It's the end of a splendid day.

School work is done.

Chili is simmering on the stove.

Pardon me while I peer out the window; twilight falls on the white blanket covering our lawn.

Powdered sugar from heaven...

Random Dozen: We're off to see the Wizard in our comfortable shoes.

1. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?

I'm not a huge Oz fan, but if I have to choose one character for this question, it would be Dorothy.

Some days I want to click my heels and fly "home."

2. When you're deciding what you're going to wear each morning, which item do you select first? Why?

The bottoms. I go for comfort.

Then I decide which color I want to wear and pick a top that matches. I don't think about jewelry until I put on my watch and think, "Man, I need some new earrings or something."

I find this method to be very fashion forward.

3. What kind of animal do you think the world could live without?

Snakes. It's Biblical.

4. How many Christmas trees are in your home?


Two. One is the regular tree. The other is a small tree in a basket with berries and pine cones. It goes on the porch or in the guest room. I got it at Target at 90% off. (Score)

5. Would you prefer to be emotionless if it mean you didn't have to feel a heartbreak?

No way. That's how sociopaths are made.

6. Do you ever experience holiday let-down or depression?

Yes. January and February give me the blues. I look forward to Christmas, enjoy it, then it's done. The void is often hard to adjust to. The cold, dreary weather doesn't help either. Now, I've learned to prepare for it and try to come up with new ways to decorate, add color or light to the house. It helps.

7. Do you like Michael Jackson's music?


Yes. He and Madonna were icons in my jr. high and high school days.

Whenever the Thriller video came on, my friends and I would call each other to watch it.

"Thriller's coming on! Turn on the TV."

"Okay."

"Call me back when it's over."


8. Why is it that we never judge people who have their teeth fixed for cosmetic reasons, but every other cosmetic procedure has a stigma?

Everyone needs a good smile. It can be embarrassing for a person who is uncomfortable with their teeth. Most other cosmetic procedures are not done to prevent embarrassment. Although, they can help a person feel better about herself.

Just a thought. I really have no idea.

9. Enjoy horseback riding?

I enjoy doing things that my daughter loves. She loves horseback riding. I wasn't really around them as a child, so I guess I never got the fever. I am also a very cautious person. No adventure in my blood. I'm glad my daughter enjoys it, though.

10. Shoes--practical or stylish?

Both, though I lean toward practical. They have to be affordable and somewhat comfortable.

11. What was the name of your first pet? Feel free to post a pic.

I had a poodle named Marcus. He was my friend and confidant. My parents thought it would help me get over my fear of dogs. It just helped me get over my fear of poodles.

12. What percentage of your Christmas shopping is done?

About 70%. I'm finished shopping for most of my extended family and friends. Living in SmallTown makes me plan ahead.

'Cause, Toto, we're not in Kansas any more.

See Linda for more great posts.

Old Lady. Cat.

We've had a little bit of snow here in SmallTown. Not enough to make a snowman, but just enough to make you wish you could make a snowman.

Maggie is resting at my feet in the warmth of blissdom. She has no idea how lucky she is. I almost brought home another cat yesterday.

Almost.

When I picked up Maggie from the kennel, the vet told me about another old cat that a woman brought in to be put to sleep because she (the cat) was mean to her kids.

First of all, no cat is that mean. Second of all, no cat is that mean.

Of course, the vet is not going to put the poor old lady to sleep (the cat) and really would like to find her a home. He asked me if I would like to have her. I, in my rational mind, say "no, thank you."

HELLO, HAVE YOU MET THE CAT WHO ALREADY LIVES WITH ME?

The vet just wouldn't let up (i.e. he read "sucker for kitties" on my forehead.)

"Would you like to scratch her head before you leave?" he pursued.

"Sure."

So they brought her out and my heart sank. She was purr-ty.

"Those kids must have been really mean," he added.

The entire staff chimed in about how sweet this old lady cat was and how they could not imagine anyone wanting to put her down.

I agreed.

Then I looked at my daughter whom I've promised a puppy for our next pet and knew in my heart that I was not the one to take Old Lady Cat home.

Then I scratched her head (the cat) again and made sure that the vet was not going to put her down ever. He promised.

My rational self left the building with a big soft spot in her heart and drove home, with Maggie snoring in the backseat.

Yep. She doesn't know how lucky she is.

City Slickers

We just returned from getting Maggie from the kennel. The kennel people again bragged about how sweet and good she is when she visits them.

Pausing now in disbelief.

The Vet came out to say, "hello" and I expressed my heartfelt appreciation for his rare facility.

"We like cats," he stated.

"You just don't know," I continued, "I drive here for miles because Maggie is happy with y'all."

"We're glad you like us."

So now Maggie is sprawled at my feet while I attempt to blog and ignore that pile of laundry waiting for me in the other room.

La-la-la-la-la.

The trip to Santa Fe was great. Daughter would say the highlight was the horseback riding, but I'll be honest and tell you that the highlight for me was the food.

Our Thanksgiving buffet included the usual items like traditional stuffing and turkey, but also had some pretty unique (at least for me) dishes as well. My favorites were the New Mexican style stuffing with pine nuts and chorizo and the maple butter sweet potatoes with praline topping. I have no idea how to make the stuffing, but my new goal is to replicate those sweet potatoes.

We also tried Native American traditionally baked bread with green chili butter.

Yum.

Now, to the horses.

Hubs and I were not sure if it was going to be, well, lame. We imagined the trail ride as a yuppy inspired, amusement park level tour with city lights and high wires in the background. We were pleasantly surprised. We rode for nearly 1 1/2 hours. Ouch.

When I signed us up, I was honest and told them we were all beginners. Daughter has taken some lessons, but she is not nearly experienced enough to surpass beginner status. I haven't been on a horse since I was about nine years old. Hubs rode horses as a child, back before the Internet was invented.

I've learned that when you label yourself a "beginner" you end up with the oldest horse in the barn. The guide told us that between the three horses we were riding, he had about 100 years of horse.

If I didn't already feel pitiful, knowing that I was literally being carried by a senior citizen really sealed it for me.

Hubs' horse was named "Goose." He said,"Talk to me, Goose" as he held the reins in his hands. Then Kenny Loggins began to sing in the background.

Daughter rode "Magic" and was in heaven the entire time. I rode alongside her once and heard her tell Magic all about the horses she has ridden during her lessons and their personalities. It was precious.

My horse was "Ray." As soon as we learned his name, Hubs said,"You can call me Ray or you can call me Jay or you can call me..." For the entire ride I had that commercial in my head.

Thanks, Maverick.

At one point, our AARP member horses were lagging behind. Hubs decided to catch up with the group and gave Goose the go-ahead to trot. Well, Ray apparently likes to do everything Goose does and decided to trot, too. You know, those horses are so prone to peer pressure.

Ray began to trot and I was not prepared. I gave him a quick "whoa" and he slowed. Then I yelled ahead at Hubs to give me warning next time.

The guide just laughed. Some sort of cowboy humor.

After that, the ride was uneventful, which was my goal. My other aim was that my horse and I would both live through the experience. I'm sure Ray has much grander dreams for his last ride into the sunset.

An almost forty gringo gal with a beer commercial stuck in her head is probably not it.

Leftovers are so over-rated.

We're home from a great Thanksgiving getaway. I'd love to go to the frig. and pull the Saran Wrap from leftovers, but I am totally thankful for our trip.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about the New Mexican style buffet we enjoyed and how I learned that a saddle is not as cushion-y as it looks.

I must go now and scrounge up some vittles. (That's cowgirl talk, ya know.)

See ya then! Hope you had a great holiday.

Happy Trails

I'm supposed to be packing suitcases and cleaning bathrooms, but I've never been good at prioritizing.

So here I am in the blogosphere dodging spam emails about Black Friday.

We're off to Santa Fe where I hope to do some really good shopping, and even better eating.

I'll leave you with one thought- me on a horse. We're going trail riding. This is out of my element, but I am going to Cowgirl Up and go for it.

I'll do anything for blog material.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Random Dozen: Turkey Lurkey Style

Linda, Love the dog.

1. Are you sticking to traditional Thanksgiving foods this year, or are you being culinary adventurous?

Culinary adventurous.

We are headed to the Santa Fe/Albuquerque area for the holiday. I'm hoping to enjoy a nice buffet with interesting New Mexican traditions. The only downside is no leftovers!

No turkey hash.

No turkey sandwiches.

No pie for breakfast.

The upside?

No dirty dishes.

2. Tell me something concrete that you're thankful for. (Something you can literally touch, see, etc., not a concept like "hope.")

Could I say concrete? Really, where would we be without it?

Seriously, I am thankful for my grandmother's cut glass dish that I put cranberry sauce in every year. It rests in the china cabinet next to other family dishes. Lots of memorable meals represented in there.

3. You knew the flip side was coming: Share about something intangible that you're thankful for.

Memories of family meals. We Southerners eat for every occasion- holidays, weddings, new babies, an illness, a death in the family. (Unwritten law- No funeral is complete without a bucket of chicken and a layered cake.)

Most family memories involve good food.

4. Share one vivid Thanksgiving memory. It doesn't have to be deep or meaningful, just something that remains etched in your memory.

When we first married I made a big Thanksgiving dinner. I even had Vidalia onions shipped from Georgia to Arizona so that I could make creamed onions for Hubs. I later learned that, although creamed onions were a tradition he grew up with, they were one he could live without. He'll eat them, but he doesn't have to have them.

Sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce are another story.

Anyway.

I read that you could cook the turkey upside down to keep it moist. I pulled it out of the oven and asked Hubs to slice it. He didn't know it was upside down. He started to slice it, wondering why it was all boney. I finally told him to flip it over.

The dinner turned out great and we had enough leftovers to last us until Christmas.

5. What is one thing that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt is going to happen this Thanksgiving because it always does, year after year?

I am going to eat too much.

It's tradition. Why mess with it?

6. Do your pets get any left-overs?

And she laughs hysterically.

Maggie is on a special diet. Before she was on a special diet, she did not eat leftovers. She doesn't even eat leftover cat food. It's fresh or it's nothing.

7. Does your family pray before the big meal? If so, do you join hands while seated, stand, repeat a formal prayer or offer a spontaneous prayer? Who does the praying?

If we are home, Hubs prays. If we are with family, the "man of the house" prays. We don't usually join hands at home because we are avid hand washers (i.e. germ freaks) and holding hands would mean having to get up from the table and washing them all over again.

Feel free to comment on that one.

8. Will you be watching football in the afternoon? If not, what will you be doing?

No way. I don't watch football. If we were at home, we would probably play a board game, eat some pie, then take a nap.

Then get up and eat more pie.

See # 5.

9. There are two distinct camps of people on this issue: How do you feel about oysters in the dressing/stuffing?

I've never had it, but I'd be willing to try it. I prefer no meat in my dressing, but I love it smothered in gravy.

10. Do you consider yourself informed about the first Thanksgiving?

I think so. We just studied it for homeschool, so I just went through a refresher course.

11. Which variety of pie will you be enjoying?

I hope to try something new while we are away. When I get home, I'm making pumpkin and pecan. Pecan and chocolate pecan are my favorites.

12. Do you feel for the turkey?? (This is a humorous throw back question related to the 12th question in another Random Dozen!)

No. I make it a rule not to sympathize with my food. It makes it much more enjoyable.


See Lid for more great, concrete answers. ;>)

Randomness at the dinner table

(Insert random movie clip here) from Hubs.

Turning to daughter, I said, "You know, Daddy loves any movie with British accents."

"In fact, he would have liked the English Patient if the English Patient had been English and not Hungarian," I continued.

Eye roll from Hubs.

"Daddy, what's the English Patient?" asked Daughter.

"It's a movie, an awful movie, where the English Patient gets sick and then he waits, but he is very patient."

Puzzled look from Daughter.

Eye roll from me.

"Then the patient gets lost in a cave and someone crashes a plane and finds him."

"Uh-uh!" I argued, laughing, "he wasn't the one in the cave."

Continued puzzled look from Daughter.

Eye rolls abound.

Dishes clang. Laughter trails off.

Come to think of it, he was very patient...